Am I sabotaging any chance of a relationship?

I think i do this because of low self esteem when it comes to the opposit gender, and i belive i might be self sabotaging any future relationship. So until i was around 18 i barely talked to any guy, i almost had a anxiety when it came to guys. From i was 18 until i was 19 1/2 i would fool around quite a lot, no sex, just making out with randoms at parties etc. But as i got older i found out that this was really not for me, i didn't gain anything expect the feeling of feeling used, in addition i really wanted a relationship.

I have been on some dates here and there, but nothing has come out of it. I think the longest i have dated anyone, that i actually liked, was 2 weeks or so. I really did like him, but because of that i kinda shut down and to begin with i even "tested" his interest in me, and wanst really willing to do much to expose the level of interest i actually had in him, i guess in fear of being vulnerable

Anyway, i do this with any guy i find very attractive, even guys i haven't taked to yet. So if i see very attractive guy my first reaction is to not giv him attention, and i do this because if a guy is attractive he gets attention all the time. I dont want to "feed his ego" by giving him attention, in additon i feel like he will never go for me, so its not point of even showing interest. Attractive people, or guys, make me uncorfortable, so only girl or guys im not ttracted to see the fun, flirty and interesting side of me.
How do i fix this? i do belive its a problem


Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm sorry you're struggling with your self image. At least you are aware of what's going on and why your approach to relationships is the way it is. It's very hard for many people to even get close to where you are in terms of your self awareness.

    Now that you've identified your self esteem is hurting your chance at a healthy relationship, I'd recommend digging into learning more about low self esteem and ways to cope with it and feel better about yourself. If you have the funds, I'd highly recommend therapy, but there are also books, web pages, forums and support groups full of different people going through your exact situation, so there's hope.

    My wife had a low self esteem when she was younger, and as a result, dated some really nasty shitbags. Through a lot of self help and therapy, she's much better. At least, I thought she was good enough to marry :-)

    You have plenty of time to learn more about yourself and to work through what you're struggling with. You're not alone, and the fact you know what's going on is perhaps the hardest part. Now, you can look into ways of feeling better, putting your esteem back together and moving forward.

    Good luck and hang in there!


Most Helpful Girl

  • It's more common than you think. I've been through a very similar experience. I think what it will take is slowly changing your habits. You've gotten into a mode of "negative" talk in your head regarding guys you find attractive. You'll have to consciously rewrite that dialogue. Take a few chances. Even get hurt a few times actually! The more you practice and see how it's not the end of the world, the more you'll start getting it right and reaping the benefits of it.

    Also, don't rush your process and think you need to have it figured out immediately. Part of what you're going through is just life teaching you what works best for you, and developing more into your own person. You'll figure it out when the times is right.


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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 1

  • The next time you want to "run" force yourself to do the opposite. You know what the problem is. Only you can fix it. Not all attractive guys have huge egos that need to be pampered. You can show interest just by talking and smiling. There isn't a reason for a grand gesture to show interest on your part just availability. If he likes you, you will know. especially if he is cute. He will have confidence most likely. You are over thinking things too much that's all.


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