There is so much advice for guys. Posture, speaking skills, a billion things to get her attracted. Of course we end up overthinking?

With all the advice online it's really easy for a guy to go from not trying hard enough to trying way too hard without ever hitting that sweet spot in th middle. If you're trying to keep open posture, make her laugh, not seek too fast, not smile too much, not bite your nails and such all while trying to ask about her and looking for the perfect time to make physical contact... I mean damn all that going on in your head at once, are you even enjoying the company of the girl in your presence? Do you even see her or are you playing a dating version of dance dance revolution where you're just trying to fit the right actions into the right patturn. Of course these guys get frustrated and a lot turn into assholes because after putting in all the work to get good at that YOU WANT RESULTS. I mean really, when you practice for a sport and run drills you're gonna wanna win right? Same here. How can we give and use advice as guys without putting so much emphasis on outcomes. For a lot of guys, becoming "good enough" for women becomes a hobby, so much so that they don't even realize when they're there and they can overshoot. I'm just starting to doubt the efiecency of asking for and giving dating advice to men online... it's kind of counter productive. If you're following a thirty step process how are you being yourself? More importantly if you keep being told you desperately need this 30 step process how are you ever going to come to the conclusion that you're actually good enough and thus develop the confidence you so badly need? It all just seems like a horrible cycle.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Yep, we always overthink. But why? Because we're afraid of rejection. This weekend, overthinking on third date was actually what made the girl I was seeing ditch me. I met her friends, I was terrified that THEY would not like me, so I acted strangely.
    To her it must feel like the opposite: I was pretending to be someone else the first two dates and the real me came out on third. There's no point trying to convince her now, what is done is done.
    What can we learn from that? Be yourself (and if you suck, improve yourself, but don't just pretend to be great). That will mean you will not go past first date most of the time, but you want to be with someone without having to "dance dance revolution", like you said! You can't keep the charade forever, its only delaying the rejection for later (if you want to use them for sex, I guess thats the way to go)


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  • I didn't read because this is probably not important.

  • That's why I just tend to be myself and look for signs of interest instead :).


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