Am I being played or should I be patient and give him another chance (I don't have a lot of experience dating.)?

I met this guy online and I am finding it really tough to read him. He also became a paraplegic (2011). He claims that he is as much of an introvert as me. He doesn't like crowds or being around too many people. He likes the simple things. The couple of times I have met him we stayed in his car as he didn’t feel comfortable getting out of his car (I hope it’s because of his condition and not because he is shady or he is embarrassed of me). I am sure his disability affects his moods, however, he does come across as someone who is confident but he has mentioned that he gets bitter about his situation. He is very open yet very secretive about other things. In any case, I told him that I genuinely liked him and wanted to get to know him better. He initially didn't want to start anything with me because he felt that I was too innocent. But claimed that he genuinely liked me. I told him I am at a point in my life where I just want to try the whole dating thing and that for some reason I felt very comfortable with him.
He initiated some of our meets. We got a little physical our last meet... I assured him that I don't regret it (as he wanted to know) and that his disability doesn't bother me. He can't really have kids and so mentioned that he is not really looking for a long term relationship. I said I am fine with that as I am not looking to settle down but I dont' want to get involved with someone for purely the physical aspect. I want some sort of a relationship even if it doesn't last the in the long run (not sure if that makes sense). He does go MIA in terms of communication, I often initiate text conversations, he responds about 90% of the time however, there are times when he will ignore my texts completely. He ignored my text about planning a possible meet. So I really don't know if he has his own issues that he is dealing with or if he is not really interested in ME but decided to take the chance because I showed interest and therefore available. Please advice.


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  • It sounds as if he likes you but you are not a very high priority for him. Paraplegics usually have a range of emotional problems and the nature of their disability engenders a degree of self-centeredness.

    If you continue to pursue a relationship with him, you may have difficulty separating your feelings for him from your sympathy and also the sense that you are more safer and more in control in this relationship.

    I am curious about why you have very little dating experience at your age?

    • Thank you for sharing your thoughts. He does come across as a little self-centred. But it usually doesn't bother me because I dont' sense it to be anything more than him wanting that control, so to speak. He is very resistant to sharing information about himself though, which often worries me. But I guess thats also his way of staying in control.

      Sympathy is not my current motivator, I just genuinely like the guy. But I also find myself questioning his motives, which I am sure will take a toll on the relationship.

      I have always been an introvert, it takes a me a while to open up and get comfortable with people (another reason why I am surprised by my comfort level with this guy). I was never a partier or very in with the social scene back in high school. So missed my boat there, when I hit college my dad got really sick and so I focused on my education, him and helping financially. Once I got past all of that and was ready to focus on relationships, I feel like its too late.

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    • Yep, thats why he is tough to read. I get that his pain medications and I am sure some anti depressants have side effects. But I don't want to deal with someone whose entire character has flipped. I did do some digging with his screen name and the info I did know of him, 99% of his stories check out. So I am torn between trusting him and just cutting my losses and moving on.

    • I advise that you cut your losses and move on.

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