We're both good people, but why does he think drastically different from me? Is that a deal breaker?

So, my current boyfriend is the sweetest man I've ever dated. We've been dating for over a year, and, for the most part, we get along great in every way. Except, there is one thing that really concerns me. Sometimes my partner does things (or fails to do things, rather) that show emotional support. And it's weird because he usually is very supportive and insightful. But there are times when he refuses to act and go out of his way to support me, his family, and his friends even when I (lightly) encourage him to do so. I understand his perspective as far as getting that he wants to let people do their own thing and find their own way. He's also the type to not focus on the negative. So, even though he's been through tons of adversity, I think he sometimes doesn't fully consider how hard things are for others and how they would benefit from his support. I don't understand why he would let people he loves experience unnecessary pain or feel alone in their experiences. To be clear, he could not be further from a douche lol. He just thinks differently than me sometimes. And, he is somewhat older than me; I'm 24, and he's 27.

So, my multipart question is: When is it important to advocate what I believe is right? If it doesn't involve me, should I not say anything? Where is the line between not being insightful about how this will play out in our future, and too hastily judging and missing out on a good relationship?


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What Guys Said 2

  • I'll give you the same answer I have given to a dozen or so questions today: take him out for an intimate drink. Have a calm, direct, matter of fact conversation. Tell him how you feel. Give him three moderate examples to demonstrate your point. Ask him if he can do better. If he says yes, ask him how you should make him aware when he's not. Just a short phrase you can use in public that is natural but has special meaning for the two of you.

  • In part I agree with his notion of letting other make their own choice , how ever he and I do differ in the thought that if what someone is going to do will cause a negotiable result I say step in and point this out ; if they choose to do it anyway then it on them. As far as consoling someone that is having a problem , I've always been one with big ears ( not literally ) and broad shoulders. That not everyone's trait how ever.


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