Why am I so discouraged about dating? Let me explain.

I dated a guy for some months and towards the end he broke up with me. We were having a great time and he was pushing for us to get more serious with each other. He broke up by telling me he was depressed because his life was a mess (no job for a while, broke) and he could not be in a relationship with me. This happened as we were starting to get closer to each other emotionally and I was starting to show him that I cared. I even asked if I could be there for him.

A month goes by and I hear updates from my friends. They told me how they saw him at bars, parties, flirting up girls and having the time of his life. So much for being depressed. When my friend asked what happened to us he said " She came across too strong."

I feel hard broken and I am trying to let this go. But I feel so tricked. It was the first time in a long time that I was opening up to someone again. Another month went by and he asked to see me that he wanted to talk. I suggested we met at a neighborhood bar but he declined the suggestion by saying "I don't have money for that." and canceled at the last minute. Never heard from him again.

He has never been married, no kids and is in his 40's.


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What Guys Said 2

  • He let you off slow, rather than saying "Whoa slow down, your coming across too strong" and then leaving... He instead said "I'll be in touch" and dropped communication.

    This is called "moving on" and it's part of the dating field - I understand how you feel, I'm right there with you 90% of the time. Realize though, no two people are alike - so we aren't forced to stay with that partner (even after years of being together!)

    There is nothing wrong with telling him your true feelings - "Hey when you left like that and said how you're all depressed; yet your out partying, it made you look horrible"

    Personally, I would move on- the guy was dishonest once - shame on him

    Best regards,


    • Thanks. All he had to do was be honest with me. It would have been easier on both. Thanks for your help.

  • Its pretty simple, he doesn't want to be tied down. he has been pretty good at ending things as soon as it becomes to serious. He might feel that he messed up by letting things go too long. He just wants shallow relationships with a good possibility of getting laid from time to time. I speak from experience.

    To be quite honest, I am in the same boat as him. Never been married and no kids (no one has come to me telling me I the father of thier kids yet) and I am 41.

    Actually I am at the point where I don't even feel like I want to be freinds with females because they sometimes want to take things further than I want. I do not want to be in any relationships at all to the point where I have completly lost interest in dating and even having sex because that would involve a relationship. If I even remotely sense they want to take things further, I back off immediatly and do what I can to break contact with them. apparently he isn't at that point yet. I just want to give you some honest insight.

    I guess I am slowing down with age and I couldn't be bothered. I just want to do my own thing without feeling like I am being dragged down by anyone.

    • It makes sense and I appreciate your insight. I never pushed for exclusivity. On the other hand he was a bit annoyed that I was aloof about our relationship and he kept moving towards something more serious. So the minute I show that I want to be serious too he pushes me away. It is his behavior towards me that I don't understand. Maybe he changed his mind about what he wanted, who knows. At a lost.

    • Interesting that he pushed for something more and as soon as you agreed..he backed off. Its possible you are dealing with someone who either has an ego problem..as in he just wanted to see how far you will go OR he totally didn't expect your reaction when you agreed. Its possible he never thought you would agree and that would give him a way out. you agreed and he had no choice but to leave on bad terms. he was looking for a way out either way.

    • Wow. You are making things much clearer for me. Looking back he used to complain that I maybe wasn't that interested in him, asking me to make more time for him and to speak more on the phone. Now that I think about it, who knows he would had used that too as an excuse to back off from me. So the minute I change to please him, he seriously backs off. He did mention at the end that he struggles with self esteem issues. Once again, I don't get it he is very attractive and fit. Thanks again.

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