I think I understand why I can't get women. I'm a bad guy but im shady about it. Is my logic correct now. It's all been kind of hard to put together?

I'm a nice guy. Or really just a bad guy who thinks he has to be nice to get women. That actually sound right to me honestly, I always thought you had to be nice to get anything in life. (My first problem). I thought that people were more inclined to help you and be nice to you when you were nice to them.

So I'm a bad guy, because I was only being nice because I thought I was supposed to. It's confusing but I get it. Basically I suck but I don't have the balls to come out and be the terrible guy I am. I never learned how to show my true colors and I haven't done much to make me seem bad but if I didn't feel like I was being watched, if I could get away with it I'd be just as terrible as the rest of them.

Somehow women can sense this, because my shyness and inability to be aggressive shows them that I'm hiding something. (My true nature) I come off as unconfident because I'm not sure the real me will be accepted... because it wouldn't be... because it's a bad person.

I come off as creepy because I'm trying to trick women into thinking I should be accepted by doing things for them and hanging around them even though I really don't care if they're happy, I just want to make them happy enough to sleep with me. (Which I do honestly, I want girls to be so happy with me that they want to sleep with me). So really all I care about is that they sleep with me, which is why none of them do and why they just string me along, because it's my own fault for being underhanded about it and they've just figured it out and turned it to thier advantage.

Here's where I need help:

If I was to just be my own terrible self and not hide it, just be the real me, it would be better because "at least with an asshole women know what they're getting" and they would sleep with me but not date me because they would know from the start what I was. Except some would date me because they like a challenge and would like to "tame


Most Helpful Girl

  • Wow... You know what I believe?
    That you try to convince yourself that you are a bad guy. I think you are just a player, as you want to "use" girls just to sleep with them.
    There is a difference between being a player and being a bad guy.
    I think that you actually... deep inside you, you want to feel truly loved by someone. This is why you act like that. Because you believe you're not worthy.
    You'll find someone that will see what you're hiding behind the mask of the bad guy that you want to use... that will love you for truly what you are.. Probably that girl exists even now, but is scared to show you as you come off as a player.

    Probably I'm wrong, but this is why I believe for what I read.

    • Well I think you are lol, players actually can get women.

      It's funny though because as much as I want a girl to have sex with me it's really not about the sex, it's about her actually choosing me. If a girl has sex with you, it means that at least for a moment you're worthy of the most intimate act possible.

      It would just be nice to know that... "this girl approoves. She's generally happy with everything you've got going on"

      It would just lifts a huge weight off my chest. Like no matter where I fail in life if I can still get laid, I'm still worth something in someone's eyes. That gives me the strength to keep going anyway, it's like the girls chanting YOU CAN DO IT!

      None of that's real of course, it's all in my head but like. It's the strongest motivation ever, because even when I'm ready to give up on shit, I never want to let down the people who believe in me.

      No one really does though.

Most Helpful Guy

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What Girls Said 4

  • My eyes glazed over and I stopped thinking completely for a second or two staring at your "question"

    • Well I really just wanna assemble all the advice I've gotten so I can have a clear framework. I can't operate without guidelines. It's too messy. As much as I think I'm a nice person I have to face facts that I'm not. Now I have to chose between being the asshole I really am or being a genuinely nice guy but there's actually no real info on the latter and I've never felt like an asshole myself even if I am so I don't what to do that. I just need a place of reference. I just... can't believe that I could be so wrong about myself. Like... I know myself better than anyone on the planet. It's a lot to take in you know but I'm trying. I just... I feel NICE lol.

    • How do you come to grips with that... that you have no idea who you are.

  • Stop being weird creepy and lame then

    • Well you see that's easier said then done. Everyone says to be yourself... but what if yourself is just "wierd creepy and lame" ... I also apparently have self esteem issues, but how can I respect myself if everyone thinks I'm "weird creepy and lame" and I definitely need to change everything about myself?

  • What's your question?

    • Is this really it? Like, is being nice not actually worth anything. Is it better to be a dick? I just... I've never heard anyone say that ever.

  • You kind of nailed the phony nice guy thing and why it doesn't work.

    My advice would be to figure out why you're so angry and dissociated from others and work on that. Try to tap into whatever is authentic inside you... Just wanting hedonistic things like constant easy sex is often a sign of some inner emptiness.

    • Wait that's not me. I'm not disconnected from people. I have plenty of friends. I'm also not angry. I was confused for a bit so I did research but I always figured something was wrong with me anyway just from the results. But it's strange, I feel... nice. I like seeing people happy, and I hope it will make them want to make me happy but still. Is that really worse than just not caring at all?

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    • Rom coms

    • Bingo. You've got to try a lot. And yes, some people are better at reading people, which is one way that some people have a natural advantage. If you don't want to get cheesy PUA books, there are plenty that are still helpful that have to do with success in business interactions. There are also some fantastic books on sex out there. Women still read tons of books and magazines and articles on dating, believe me. Human interaction is just not simple. Don't forget you can order stuff online and nobody knows really.

      It sounds like your rules are too restricting. Don't throw them out and start grabbing bitches by their hair, haha. But ease up and experiment with being who you really are a bit.

What Guys Said 3

  • You made my brain swell. You need to get some serious pussy man. If you're of legal age, head over to a club and find some hoe (s). When both of you are drunk, there's no more nice guy bad guy bs, both of you are horny and are trying to smash.

  • The simple solution is try to stop being yourself, and be someone else who's not just using people through acting nice, and actually caring about people and enjoying their companionship.

  • women are suspicious or turned off by nice guys so there's your problem


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