What to do after boyfriend laid off?

I know the easy answer is "be supportive" but I'm hoping for some specific advice if possible :)

We are both 30, been dating 9 months. We do not live together. He was just laid off a day ago from a job he enjoyed and, understandably was really upset. He has been distant for the past while, which led to fights - I don't know if his behaviour was related to work concerns but to be honest, I do not think that it was. He's the type who constantly says that he loves me and yet his actions don't really show it (doesn't contact me regularly unless I contact him first, doesn't really want to do things with me other than sit at home and watch movies or play video games etc.).

All that aside, my first question is how much "grieving me-time" should I give him? I have been laid off before too a long time ago, spent the night crying and then went and literally found myself another job within a week. But I understand that not everyone is like me and not every job is as easily found. How much time is appropriate to give him to be sad and mope around home before I start seriously reminding him to get out there and look for a new job?

My second question is what to do if he stays in his funk for too long (whatever "too long" might be)? I tried being positive the other day by saying that I'm sure he can find another job quickly but his response was he wants to wait a few weeks to see if this company will rehire him once they get more busy (since he was laid off for lack of work available). I don't know how long he intends to wait but I don't see why he can't ALSO apply for other jobs at the same time... just in case. Should I just let him do as he planned or how best can I encourage him to do otherwise without seeming like a nag?

Thank you!
In all fairness, I should mention that his company told him to call them next week because they might have work for him then. I assume that's why he wants to wait until then but I don't know how to say to him that he shouldn't wait and should get out there and start looking, without seeming like an unsupportive nag.


Most Helpful Guy

  • He shouldn't wait at all. The company he left could collapse for all he knows. It's an ideal time for him to see if he can get an even better job than he had before.

    • I obviously agree that he should start looking asap but i'm not sure how to actually say this to him without seeming like an unsupportive nag who won't let him handle his stuff by himself?

Most Helpful Girl

  • I'd say that you could certainly suggest looking for something else.

    However, since he's not dependent upon you financially, I wouldn't bring it up very often.

    If he stays in his funk for too long, which you'll know because it'll give you a sinking feeling, do whatever is best for you regardless of what he may think or want you to do.

    • Thanks :). I know you said I'll know how long is too long via a sinking feeling but in this case where he's holding out hope that his former boss will hire him back next week, is that pretty much a cut off of how long you would recommend letting him continue like this?

    • If you don't have really strong feelings about him; I'd say a month or so, but that's just me.

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What Guys Said 1

  • He needs to get off his ass, update his resume, and start looking today. What the hell is wrong with him.


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