Being confident and putting myself out there?

I am a 24 years old and only have had one relationship (lasted 11months) 3 years ago. Since then I have been too scared to meet guys yet sleep with anyone because I'm scared. Scared of being rejected, scared of being not good enough, scared of being humiliated. I don't see myself as being attractive. I am 6ft, overweight and not happy with myself. I know that I have to be confident in myself to be able to put myself out there. I think I'm generally a nice and maybe interesting person when I talk to people neutrally but when it comes to flirting I don't click and am too embarrassed when my friends tell me that I might have been on a right tack to go further with a guy.
Anyways, I am going away with my best friend and I have made it my mission to at least talk to some (not going as far as keeping my hopes up of sleeping with someone) guys that I have never met before. Can anyone just give me some tips on how to try and be confident when talking to guys? Please try and be nice I know it sounds like I'm setting myself up for failure but I'm really trying. My issues with myself are deeper than just not being happy with myself.
I hope this rambling makes sense.


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What Guys Said 2

  • I am the first to admit that I give women stick about love and relationships (that's its so easier for women) But your question is humbling and puts me in my place. It makes sense to me... im like the guy version of you. Number one rule: Have fun. Don't give a fuck what the world thinks, just speak to guys like if they were your best friend. When I see a girl, I literally make a mental frame that's its a friend I know, and follow that template. Try not worry about consequences, being rejected etc... just have fun. unless the guy is truly a dick, he will have fun with you and will not hurt you (he may or may not want to be with you... but he will not hurt you, just act weird towards the end of the night at the most). 2) Body language... don't crumble or look down, just look everyone in the eyes like you are an adult speaking to an adult and have fun. 3) Try not think of "setting you up for failure" ... in fact your mental script is wrong. You say "I know that I have to be confident in myself to be able to put myself out there. I think I'm generally a nice and maybe interesting person when I talk to people neutrally" Say this: "I am confident in myself, so I know to put myself out there,. I am nice! and I am an Interesting person! and I can talk to anyone because I am worth it" People like us let our issues kill the present moment, which leads me to number 4) When you with your friend, just feel the moment. Listen to the music, be awesome with your friend, be her wing girl and just put your insecurities to the side. What I normally do when my demons claw at me, I just focus on the moment in a positive way. So for example: you two are chatting to guys and you feel ugly or insecure, just consciously take those thoughts and tell them to piss off. Then just look at the guys how cool they are, your friend, how cool she is, where you at, how cool that is and embrace the moment without consequences.

  • Not a very big issue as you make it out to be. You could always just think in talking neutrally. Orr... Begin to notice the instances that occur when you are about to become embarrassed and say to yourself no this will not happen. Just talking to guys will help.


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