How do you navigate falling for a guy friend? Does he like me now too?

R and I briefly dated about 3 years ago. I actually met him on a dating site so it's not like we knew each other before we dated. We dated for like less than a month. He broke things off stating he was concerned our personalities weren't meshing. I protested stating that we really didn't know each other yet. He asked to be just friends, I told him I couldn't do that. We parted ways and that was that. About a year and a half later we reconnected on that same dating site. Eventually he asked to meet up. We hung out for like 4 hours catching up. It was fantastic to see him. About a week later I asked him to grab dinner with me and he responded "just as friends right?". I felt delflated (again) and told him i'd need a little while to get adjusted to the friendzone. It was probably another month or so before I saw him again. It was fine and totally just a "friend" interaction and we never talked about "us" really again. During that time I started seeing someone I was really excited about so I barely saw R for the next 4 months. He'd text or call every few weeks asking to hang out and I'd mostly decline. Eventually things ended with the guy I was seeing and R was there to help me put the pieces back together. It was really just friendly at that point. Well it's been 6 months since we started hanging out again. The dynamics have changed. Sometimes it's clearly "yes we're just friends" (we talk about dating other people sometimes) but other times the way he looks at me, the way we interact (teasing and clearly flirting) and how sometimes we could be in a crowded room and it's like no one else is there has stired up those feelings in me again. We've become MUCH closer and I'd wager he's one of my closest friends now. I just have SO much fun when we are together. It's addicting but also now painful. Help me to navigate this!


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What Guys Said 1

  • In that situation, I would steer clear of him. It's difficult to be friends when there's no mutual agreement that it's just friendship. He's had two opportunities to date you and turned down both of them; he's not going to change his mind about that.

    • This is my gut reaction. That he probably hasn't changed his mind. But I guess the core of my question is, IS it possible for a guy to change his mind in a situation like that? And if it is, then are there easy dead giveaways that would indicate that maybe he has? Then part three, what does one do if that person is exhibiting those giveaways? Nothing and assuming that if he wanted something now he'd act on it?

    • The only time I've seen that happen is when both people had feelings for each other from day one, but one or both of them (for various reasons) didn't act on those feelings at first. That's not the case here; you gave this guy two opportunities to be more than friends, and he turned you down both times. Expecting him to change his mind at this point is just wishful thinking.

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