Are we dating (in a relationship)? if not how to start?


I'm a first year grad student. I met another grad student that's 5 years older than me in a tango class I was taking. The age doesn't really matter to me.

Last week, I took this girl out to a club with a bunch on my friends. My friends all left, but me and her stayed for a long time talking together. On Friday of last week, I took her to dinner, where we talked a lot more. That night, we went to another club. She was kind of tense at first, but I slowly got her to relax, and in no time she was dancing like crazy. She's an amazing dancer btw. Anyways, I gave her a ride home and a goodnight hug. My friends kept telling me that I missed the chance, and I will have to wait until another opportunity like this comes up. They also told me that she's really into me.

Anyways, I decided to call her up on Saturday and asked her to meet me on Sunday for coffee. We talked some more. Then when I had to go, we hugged. Then, I moved in for the kiss. I was surprised that as I moved in to kiss her, she came up and kissed me first. There was so much tension building up to this point. The kiss had a lot of emotion in it from both sides. She even started using some tongue too. After the kiss, we hugged again, she kissed me again, then we went our separate ways.

She has texted me and chatted with me online since then.

My question comes here.

We haven't really established what is going on between us.

I really like her. She likes me back (I'm using the way she kissed me as a sign). But how do we establish that we are in a relationship or that we are dating?

Do I talk to her about it straight up?

If so, how should I go about doing that?

Sorry for the long post.

Thanks in advance.


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  • It would be a tragedy if you screwed this up, and it already sounds like that's your plan.


    Don't mess up a good thing with "logic" and "expectations" and "rules."

    Usually the reason a guy wants to have the "talk" is because he's worried about her finding someone else and he thinks having her commit to him will keep things "safe."

    This is a HUGE mistake.

    It's fine that you want a relationship, but having the "talk" before you've even started having sex is mistake. It will make you seem needy and you'll just come across as lacking confidence.

    Instead you need to appreciate your time with her, relax, and simply continue doing what you're doing - being awesome and fun.

    If you're worried about her sleeping with other guys while sleeping with you, then it's perfectly cool to chat about sexual boundaries and expectations once you're both on the verge of making something happen (or possibly the day after the big event.) This way she understands that you sleep with one partner at a time, and that you expect her to do the same thing. This doesn't mean you're committed, it simply means you're both being "safe."

    Plus, if you just keep your mouth shut long enough she'll likely bring up the "talk" all on her own.

    Good luck!

    ~ Robby

    My Blog ( link )

  • The kissing is a very good sign, but it's not a sure thing. If your feeling it, she's probably feeling it. If you want exclusivity, tell her straight out: you want her; you want to be her boyfriend. Be passionate, but not like you're asking her to marry you. Tell her something like you know there's no guarantee where it lead, but you're ready to give the effort a relationship requires.

    However, make sure you want a relationship with this girl. If you do, you're going to have to back your words up with action. A relationship does truly take a lot of work; don't waste her time or yours unless you're sure. Good Luck.