My boyfriend's ex girlfriend broke up with him over a year ago and she hasn't gotten over him. She approached him yesterday and told him she still has very strong feelings for him and wants to try and make things right between them again. She's extremely jealous of me and also really crazy. Even though she broke up with him, she would message him a lot on facebook with really awful messages and try to sleep with all of his friends as 'a way of making him jealous.'
The thing is he had a long talk with her and she told him she's tried to kill herself and is very depressed because she broke up with him. I don't want to say she is lying as it may be true but I have a feeling she is saying this to try and make him feel sorry for her. He says if she wants to talk then he will continue talking to her which she definitely will make sure happens.
I'm kind of upset that he still talks to her, especially after all the crap she has pulled. And just the fact that she is his ex and they had history together, it just makes me worry that she will definitely try something. I trust my boyfriend but I've got a really bad feeling about this. I can't dictate to him what he can and can't do and as much as I would like to tell him to please stop talking to her, I don't have the right to do that. I just want to know your views and opinions on this.
Most Helpful Guy
You absolutely have the right to be upset. If his girlfriend were going to kill herself, she would have already done it. She's totally manipulating him, and he's falling for hit.
He has no reason to have any contact with her. I could see if they had a kid together, but she's making a life out of trolling him, and he's egging her on by continuing to respond to her bullshit.
I've left relationships when a girl I was seeing couldn't keep a leash on her ex. Life's too short, and I'm interested in dating that person, not some crazy ex. And I expect her time to be with me; not her ex who's still in love with her.
You do have the right to ask him to stop talking to her, because it makes you uncomfortable, and if he values his ex's feelings more than yours, then you might suggest he spend some time figuring out his priorities, and then you'll think about seeing him again when he's got that sorted out.1
Most Helpful Girl
Yeah this is all stupid and he should really cut all ties with her altogether. She's not doing herself any favours knowing he is just poking around and ready to talk to her. She needs to move on and he's not helping matter. Plus, it bugs you - and YOU should be the girl he is focused on pleasing, not her.
They are exes and she serves no purpose in his life whatsoever. He is so worried about the probability of hurting her by telling her off or just letting her go that he is putting that above your feelings. What about you? Who is looking after you? While he is busy babysitting her manipulative ways, you're the one sitting there taking a backseat to it all. How is that moving forward for you both? Once she finally finds someone else, he spent all that time for nothing coddling her. She is NOT his responsibility anymore.
If she really was suicidal, she has a network of friends and family she can turn to, not dump all of that guilt on him to make sure she remains alive. There comes a point when he should just say, "I'm sorry you feel this way, here is the number to a suicide hotline in the UK: +44 (0) 8457 90 90 90 (UK - local rate), all the best and I hope you get better soon." Then, GOODBYE. If there is a sliver of a chance she attempts suicide and actually goes through with it, is was NOT your boyfriend's fault that it happened. It's her own illness. He did what he could and moved on, he is not responsible for her anymore. People who play the manipulation-suicide game know it earns them unwarranted attention from the person they want so they can feel some sense of control and power over the person again. It's bullshit. He needs to train her right now that it's not going to work anymore. So when she tries something else, like claims she has a kidney disease or whatever else will make him sorry for her, he has to just stop it and train her that her woes need to go to someone else from now on.
His focus and care should be on you because right now, she's attempting to damage you two and it's working. If he cares about you, he will fix that mess right now and stop the nonsense with her to save what he has with you. Otherwise, you'll be gone and she'll feel like she's got him back again, and he knows being back with her will be a nightmare. He can't have it both ways. You are the girl he should be pleasing, and right now he's not. Tell him that this is unfair to you and your relationship and it's impossible to move forward hanging on to her, his past.1