Are my expectations too high? Am I ruining my love life because I strive for perfection?

Hey guys and girls!

I am really getting upset, because of my love life. I had my first boyfriend a year ago and broke up, because my feelings for him had faded. After this my requirements changed completely. I don't want to commit to a relationship that doesn't give me what I need, because I am willing to give a lot, too. I met a few guys since then and nobody of them fit my needs and wishes. Recently I drank a coffee with a guy who is actually very nice and decent, but nonetheless I don't feel very attracted. That certain chemistry seems to miss.
Okay, let me tell you what I look for in a guy. I want to meet a nice guy with whom I can connect on an intellectual and emotional level. I want to be swept away by him and fall in love. I want a nice chemistry and attraction. I want to meet a guy that allows me to have great conversation with him.
I am 18 years old and I never really fell in love. I don't want to "waste time" with a relationship that is not connected with love, because I don't see the point.

Am I ruining my love life, because I look for too much? I kind of have the feeling that the right person is out there for me. I am afraid to settle for less just because I get impatient. I feel like love is the most essential aspect of a relationship. Am I wrong?

Please help me.
Take care and thanks! :)


Most Helpful Guy

  • As long as you are every bit what you ask for in a guy, I don't see the problem.

    Careful though, spend time looking for a unicorn all your life, and you're gonna end up alone. If the wait is worth it for you, then don't compromise. This is a decision that you and only you alone can answer for yourself.

    • I am constantly trying to improve. :)

      I actually am ready to compromise, but I want to fall in love first. I think the rest then won't matter that much? :D

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What Guys Said 3

  • Quoted from your paragraph above: "I want to be swept away by him and fall in love. I want a nice chemistry and attraction."

    Can I just add something? I feel your approach towards love is wrong. No offence, I just wanna give a gentle advice if I may? (:
    To base love on the basis of being swept away by your guy and strictly looking for flawless chmistry and attraction, is unrealistic. What you described is the honeymoon phase in r/s. So what happens then 10 years later being with your guy when the attraction dies down and chemistry wears off?

    I think you might want to adopt the perspective of looking for a guy you can accept at his worst state and trying asking yourself if you can love him when he's nothing. If you find that you can, then make start developing it into mentality to keep your volition to love this feller a permanent one. This is a more sustainable view of seeing love, rather than basing it off totally on feelings, and chemistry. Emotions are more a guide you could say. (:

  • No one is perfect, BUT it's critical to have your standards too. And you're 18, way too young to worry about dying alone or anything.

  • yup... oh well.. it needs some time u know 2 find that guy... and by the way, better tone yer standards a little bit :-)


What Girls Said 2

  • No one will ever be perfect, dear.

  • What is your definition of good looking?

    • actually I am not into those extremely handsome model guys. I am looking for a average man who takes care of his body and clothes. Nothing too fancy for me :D

    • What are your non negotiables?

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