The girl I'm dating used to get hit by her dad; I playfully hit her but she took it the wrong way, now I feel I can't talk to her (It's been 24hrs)?

So there's this girl I like, we've been talking for about 2 and half months now pretty much everyday, we've been for coffee and we've shared a bed with each other about 5 or 6 times now we kiss, cuddle and hold hands but no sex as this girl is very careful. Anyway, I was at hers yesterday and as we were walking down the stairs I playfully hit her on the forehead, but I think I may have hit her a bit harder than I intended in her eye. When we got downstairs she was really quiet and I noticed she was being off with me. She was also being really defensive, and retreating every-time I tried to touch her/hold hands or what not; practically flinching. Prior to that I've apologised vigorously and I felt really bad as I know deep down I could never hit a girl, but she doesn't know trust me like that! So we were talking and I've always said to her "Treat women how you'd want your daughter to be treated." So I made a comment saying "It's not like I'd hit my my own daughter is it?" Instantly she looked at me and said "Don't even go there" Stormed upstairs and locked her room. I followed to make sure she was okay and then she stormed past and went back downstairs, after about 45 minutes she came back upstairs with her flatmate/bestfriend and after she went down we had a talk for about 30 seconds in which she said. "Listen we're fine okay?" (we're as in me and her) but fine? really? I shrugged it off and proceeded to leave while we got downstairs and she was happy and smiling again. So I asked for a hug goodbye and she was so reluctant to give me one almost scared I'd hit her!! She ended up giving me one but it was like one of those weak one arm hugs, she didn't wanna hug for too long. "She then we'll talk about this another time" I did text her about 4hrs later saying "Have a good night! (As it was her birthday) but she didn't reply and we both went clubbing the same night

But now I'm unsure where to go from here; how do I regain her trust and pick up where we left off?
To add to the above question! I had no idea about her relationship with her father, which is why I'm even more puzzled as how could I have known not to bring it up?


Most Helpful Guy

  • 1. For one I understand the playful part but the eye

    2. For a girl who has her dad hitting her (gruesome & horrid are understatements), trusting any man is quite an effort which she did with you
    3. Even though one part of her mind says you didn't mean it her other part the fearful one will tend to fight it. So much so that even if you guys have a high decibel argument and your body language is oncoming she may react the same way
    4. You have to accept that this situation may recur after a whole lifetime of being nice and kind to her. Bad childhood memories are one of the worst that tend to stay dormant waiting to pop up cause these are caused by people the victim tends to trust and look forward to protection
    5. In this case the only thing you can do is be patient and persistent possibly for a lifetime. You can't wake up after 30 years and start up with how can you think this way when I've been so nice to you all these years. You need to be prepared to live with this :) This does not mean that she's damaged property :)

    • She didn't trust me in the first place (like you said trusting any man is quite the effort) I understand and I don't take it personally. I don't think she's damaged property or have a bad opinion of her it's just after her reluctance to physical contact after I playfully hit her, how do I go about talking to her normally without her freaking out again?

    • 1. Talk to her normally as a friend who understands and is apologetic but don't ignore what she feels about what happened
      2. Patience and persistence, more importantly patience with true understanding of her situation which may span months for her to get over this situation (that actually exists only in her head)

      Good luck :)

    • Thank you my young friend for your generous and kind gesture of selecting my opinion the MH :)

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What Girls Said 1

  • You'll eventually have to talk about it.


What Guys Said 3

  • Grab her and look her in the eyes and say that she's the most gorgeous girl and that you will never hurt her then proceed to kiss her under the moon light
    - Better love story than twilight

  • Did you know about this relationship with her father beforehand? If so, then you should have realized not to do this.

  • Maybe you should start seeing other, normal girls


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