Do you think it is okey to hook up/have sex with others at the same time you are dating your main love interest, before going exclusive?

Specifically, if you have found a guy or girl you are interested in long term, and you have talked and dated for a while (maybe a month or a few months) met and maybe already had sex (or not), but you have not had the exclusive talk yet and you are not a couple.

In this situation you wouldn't be cheating if you hooked up with someone else, but do you think it is morally fine with looking for side action while in this situation, would you or have you done it yourself? Would you be fine with it if you found out your partner had done this some time close to before you got exclusive with each other?
more opinions please
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What Girls Said 1

  • I think if you have a main love interest and are still hooking up with other people then it may not be a 'love' interest at all. Think about it- if you really like someone and want to be with them then the exclusivity part comes pretty quickly and there would not be a room for contemplation about the relationship. Some people are selfish and/or unsure of what they might really want (freedom, commitment) so they might avoid exclusivity for as long as possible but in truth if you really love someone then nobody else will ever come close and being with anyone else would feel empty and unsatisfying...

    • yeah true, but it can take a long time until love or feelings develops, even if the interest for a serious relationship is already present. The main explanations i can see why people do this, is selfishness or insecurity as you said. For guys i guess if their main love interest takes things to slow, and they are horny they might look for some side action, its selfish but not hard to understand. For girls i think its often about insecurity, they might need validation from some other guy before they feel confident enough to go exclusive with their main love interest. However i would think there would be no reason to go all the way and actually have sex with someone else if all you needed was validation, since words and attention can give you that already, so i guess there must be some selfish sexual needs at play. And yeah i agree overall that regardless of what reason you might do this, it questions how much you really are interested in the main guy/girl.

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    • and told me things she shouldn't have, because she was already planning to go for the other guy she had known for much longer. And during the date she realized also that i truly liked her and i guess the whole having sex on the first date and having said so much intimate stuff already became scary for her so she broke it off.

      I dont think she intended to play me, but she wanted to use a guy for validation but she hoped to find a guy who also wanted nothing more than sex, but for some reason she could not manage to be honest with me that she was only looking for sex, leading me on for the potential of something more. i guess she truly didn't know since we connected so well. At the moment she probably felt like she wanted to be with me, but after actually meeting me and having sex i guess it didn't feel like how a proper relationship should happen. I dont take it personally since during our date, we talked for an hour and then had sex, so i didn't have time to ruin anything.

    • Ah-rebound relationship. Somebody always ends up getting hurt. I avoided those like a plague since I couldn't live with myself for hurting someone because I was in pain. It does sound like that girl was just trying to heal the pain by thinking she could do casual but realized it wasn't for her. It sounds like she's confused and hurt at the same time. I'd let her figure things out and just be there for her as a friend. And honestly you seem like a nice guy and you deserve better than to be a rebound guy. Don't sell yourself short dude.

What Guys Said 1

  • I personally don't like it. I don't really want to be compared and compete because I really shouldn't have to. lol. When I start seeing someone I focus on them, if they don't feel the same way about it I think they want to have their cake and eat it, they're selfish and it's like they're after the best deal.. people can do what they want in that respect but I don't see them as worth my while.

    • Agreed, also if someone is truly interested in me, but still feels like going for some side action before going exclusive, then i would question how much this girl really is into me, sure she might not have feelings yet for me and might be able to be loyal later when we become exclusive and the feelings have developed more, but i still think such behaviour makes it suspicious that this person might be more inclined to cheat eventually if the opportunity arises.

    • That's the way I see it too, I question the strength of their interest and connection.

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