Asian guy dating troubles?

Hye guys. I'm an Asian male, about 5'7 and I'm about 165lbs. And I have a hell of a time trying to get a girlfriend.

I've tried everything. Believe me. I've tried working out, following a proper diet and exercise program. I've changed my wardrobe, I've gotten a better haircut. I've worked hard at studies and now have a good job with good pay. I've had to work on my social skills and become much more sociable in the last couple years. But STILL, I can't seem to get any girls. I'm not that Asian guy who only wants skinny Asian or white girls either. I 'm open to girls of any race. I don't think I'm good looking but I don't think I'm ugly either.

Don't really know what to do at this point. At first I thought if I could just overcome my insecurities and get a good job girls would like me, but this doesn't seem to be the case.

Please help.


Most Helpful Girl

  • So let me ask you and try to be honest with me as possible... do you sometimes think for others or are you the type of person to go out and mind your own business/ do your own thing?

    • Are you a type of person who thinks sometimes...'Oh too bad; it's your loss' kind of way?

      Or are you a person who's like "OooOO I can't STAND to see another person's suffering; Eee Ooo" kind of way?

      Also do you try to be something just to please others?

      If you can answer all of my questions that'd be great. Thanks

    • Show All
    • Okay cool; I'm trying to understand you a bit better so if you can and would, bear with me here. Are you a type of person to hold certain beliefs about things and perceive them as true if you understand what I mean?

      So one down on the confidence. And let me ask, was there something traumatic that caused you to be shy or were you just a naturally shy person growing up?

    • 1. Yeah i know what you're getting at. I do I have certain beliefs (true or false) but perceive them to be true. I. e. 'Asian men are bad at dating' would be an example of such a belief right? Yes and no. I do have certain beliefs which are controversial but at the same time I always review them critically.

      2. No nothing traumatic. Just naturally shy person and strict parents growing up.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Asian guys do have a harder time dating, but it's not impossible.

    When I read what you've written, I sense a whole bunch of core belief issues, so I'll address as many as I can.

    1.) You believe that being Asian is a factor, and while it IS a factor for a significant percentage of girls out there, it ISN'T a factor for EVERY girl you come into contact with. You need to develop the core belief that the girl you are speaking with ISN'T holding your Asianness against you.

    2.) "I'm not that Asian guy who only wants skinny Asian or white girls either." Sounds like you don't have high standards. If you don't have high standards, then it means that you'd settle for any girl. No girl wants to be just any girl. Have higher standards, and that way, girls will feel more special that you've chosen them.

    3.) "I've tried everything". No. You haven't. If you had, you would have a girlfriend by now. You have tried everything you think is important to women. Guess what? Even women don't know what women want, and you've been focusing on all the wrong things. Forget what other women and romcoms will tell you about being attractive, and instead observe the behavior of men who have success with women. Do what works!

    4.) No, you haven't overcome your insecurities. You're tying up too much of your self worth with having a date. Guess what? Girls don't like guys who put them on a pedestal even before they've met. Go live an interesting life. Do interesting things. Develop real passion for your own hobbies, and the girls will sense your passion for life and come find you.

    Worst case scenario? Go travel. Women love travellers.

    • I've worked on this stuff more than you think. I'm not there yet but I have put in a lot of effort.

      1) Yes I agree. I believe it is a factor, but I do my best to not let it affect me
      2) No, just because I don't exclude black, hispanic girls etc doesn't make my standards low! I know girls want a guy who has high standards, because when he picks her it makes her feel special.
      3) Ok, not everything. But I've tried A LOT. I know that the advice women give to men is often not the best advice. The best advices I've received is from men who are good with women. I've taken that advice. I've done all the pick up artist stuff, and it helps but still somewhat limited.
      4) I suppose I do still have a few insecurities but who doesn't? It shouldn't take a man with NO insecurity, 100% confidence just to get a girlfriend right? And I have a lot of interesting hobbies. I've developed a REAL passion for them. I've started blogs and written for other blogs. I've competed at national level in another.

    • Worse scenario? I've travelled a lot too. I'm reasonably well travelled for my age in fact. I've travelled on my own, with friends, on tours, with hostels. Still got nothing.

    • Then there's not much more anyone can tell you online that can help you. It doesn't make sense how you're not getting any results, dating really isn't that hard.

      Do you have platonic female friends? Girls love playing match maker, have they been hooking you up with their single friends?

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • Stop waiting :) Immerse yourself in something you love doing and love will come to you.

    • Been doing that for the past 25 years... I've got plenty of hobbies that I love

What Guys Said 4

  • Do you have interests in someone particular? Maybe that's where you should start, see what you look for in a person if you're looking for a relationship. Relations first starts off by two or more are interested in one another, about their life etc. And if you are able to connect and understand, that's where you should start...

    • Had. Got rejected though.

  • When the time comes, the time comes. Just put yourself out there more and go to bars and clubbings. Learn how to be more confident about yourself and accept yourself. Girls tends to notice guys who are comfortable with themselves and if you go to a bar or place when you see a girl you like and she's with her girlfriends, go buy the whole table a shot and that usually leads to a conversation starter

    • "Girls tends to notice guys who are comfortable with themselves" good advice man...

  • Hi, I'm an Asian too. I can't give you any advice but I can offer you some ideas. First of all, you probably need to figure out what kind of girls you want and then think about where you can find them. Probably your approaches were not too good and made girls feel weird. If you are willing to pay big bucks, get a dating coach. As long as you spend money generously, I'm pretty sure you can get some girls. Good luck.

  • Wow you sound like me. I try not to focus too much on my race anymore just on myself as an individual. Surely there must be a girl out there that will like you and your style?

    • Hasn't really worked for me. What about you?

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    • wow I'm a litle scared now lol good luck dude! I try not to focus on my race too much. Focus on yourself as an individual! Asian men is such a generic term.

    • Have you seen me on this site before? I'm pretty pathetic on here I'm sure your chances are better than mine lol

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