I have been alone for way too long and am way too used to it. How do I stop ruining my opportunities and have a dating/social life?

I have had my own place for 6 months in a new state and new city. I am good looking, funny, and not remotely the shy type yet always find an excuse to not ask a girl to my apartment, out for drinks, or even just to talk.

I just don't know what to do anymore! Opportunities present themselves to me but I never grab them. I wish they didn't so often so I felt more pressure to make moves when they do occur. Right now I always think another time or another girl will come around so it's ok to not act.

I feel bad because girls throw out signals or even blatanly clue me in that they want me to ask them out/over. Partially because I think if a scenario or opportunity seems too good to be true it must not be even when my logical side is screaming I am just being paranoid and my instincts are saying go for it.

I admit I am insecure about letting females into my life (strangers in my home is weird, inexperienced with casual sex, dating, and relationships) and have a bad habit of overcomplicating things. I also have this issue where if I'm 20% uncertain of something I don't act unless I have too.

There are definitely reasons for why I became like this but I know I can't linger on them. I just hate being such a weirdo who blocks his own shots because I'm scared of some strange fallout/consequence that will occur if I have my fun.


Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • I think you should start grabbing the opportunities. You cannot expect things happen to by themselves. Learn to control your fear and start by being open to any opportunities you encounter.

    • Sorry, didn't mean to rate it down :(.

      I know I should just make attempts every chance I get just to stay in practice but I'm kinda lazy or apathetic with social interactions. I should be talking, getting laid, and making as many friends as possible but old habits die hard.

      I want a relationship so with little sex drive it's hard to be motivated and talk to someone I'm only semi-interested in getting to know.

    • It's alright, don't sweat it :p.
      You have to work on your laziness then. Anything can improve if you put the necessary effort in it.
      If you won't, then absolutely nothing will change.

    • Easier said than done. It's downright pathological how I pass up woman and in the moment I tell myself the girl isn't interested for some nonsense reason or that something bad will happen If I get what I do want. It's crazy because if it's for someone else I'm great at reading if a girl is cool, crazy, slightly interested, just being friendly, uninterested, very uninterested, DtF, shy, playful flirty, seriously flirty, etc. and tell buddies to go for it, slow it down, or back off with good results.

What Guys Said 1

  • do u have any female friends at least?

    • Quite a few back home.

      Only have my roommate's girlfriend in this new state. He roommate and one of her friends I guess too but they are more acquaintances.