Why some girls always get players?

Last two years I'm really struggling in a dating life. I do my best to find a good men, but in most of the cases they turn out to be players or they treat me bad. At some point I became very careful and very picky and I even ask my friends for their opinion and they approve my choices. But what happens next? It was a player again, but a good liar..

I really don't understand. People tell me I'm pretty, I have a good job, I behave well and treat people with kindness. Where is the problem?


Most Helpful Guy

  • You can't do anything about it except be careful but sometimes it's not enough.

    You will be a better target for them if you are significantly better looking than average.

    Essentially a player is a guy with a talent to seduce women.
    Whether he wants to use his talent to have sex with many women and deceive them, or find the one he really wants and stick with her, is very hard to determine.

    You can look for signs but if he's good.. you're fucked. Unless you make him wait but this could drive away good men as well.
    A player most likely won't wait several months to fuck you. He'll just drop the ball and go somewhere else.

    You can also chose a guy that is less talented / successful with women, as he doesn't have the luxury to jump from one pussy to another.
    But I don't like the idea of downgrading...

    Tough one ! :)

    • does it mean that players aim for good looking girls? so if i would dress more modestly, cut my long hair and wear no make-up, would i attract better men? i'm worried a bit, as I may not attract also good ones then..

    • Show All
    • aw fuck :/ i thought if you were attractive to lots of men then they would want to commit to you more, like being more of a "keeper" in their eyes... guess not. I've had SO many guys (usually the muscular, good looking ones) just date me, try an touch me, then flake on me an im like wtf why does no guy that im interested in every seem to want to just settle down and get to know me. i had this guy who i thought was cute an we were talking an i said lets go on a date an he goes ok netflix a my place an im like NO im not doing this again lol (i had a player before who made out with me then flaked) and insisted he take me to the movies an he had the nerve to say 'fine, but only if you give me a bj' an im like fuck this no way. what is wrong with guys these days?

    • send me a private message. I'm getting sick of writing in this tiny window with a limit of 1000 words lol

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • I think most guys who have options are not very loyal. It seem like guys who have a lot to offer can and will always try to just have sex with a lot of girls. Who can blame them right. Girls who are really pretty go around a lot too and guys wonder why they can't find a cute girl who are also not girl players. So basically, anyone wo has a lot to offer are most likey going to be players

    • Well thats lame. People all the time tell me im attractive an i still can't find i guy i like who wants to get serious with me, they all flake on me, like whats the deal?

    • Maybe your so pretty guys have a hard time thinking they can keep you. So they plan to just be short term with you.

  • some gals, they just believe this guy's real... so...

  • Perhaps there's just something you are attracted to. Take a look and a minute to examine the recent men in your life and figure out what personality/physical traits they all had in common. Maybe there's something similar with all of em?


What Girls Said 4

  • The problem is, you aren't good at seeing the red flags. I know, because I used to be in your shoes!

    Just because someone is interested in you, likes you, or finds you attractive (physically/sexually), it does NOT mean they value you.

    You can tell someone values you in the way they treat you. It doesn't matter if they look good on paper, because if what their actions don't match what they say or they are giving you mixed signals... it's a sign they don't value you.

    There is nothing wrong with being picky, just make sure you aren't being picky about the wrong things. For example, does it really matter if he has brown hair vs. blond? No; that shouldn't be a deal breaker. But, if he's only reaching out to you when it's convenient for him... that DOES matter, because it's a sign of selfishness and that he's just treating you like an option and not a priority.

    People will only treat you badly if you allow them to. YOU need to teach people how to treat you. If you are a pushover or don't state your boundaries or expectations... then it leaves room for people to treat you however they want.

    I'm not sure what avenues you are using to meet guys, but that could also be a part of the problem. If you are sticking to bars or apps like Tinder, you are not going to find relationship-worthy guys.

    My problem was that I was always such a push-over and always assumed the person would change or I would explain away their behavior. The problem is, I was inadvertently teaching these guys that the way they were treating me was "okay" and that they could get away with it. I needed to be a little tougher and vocalize higher expectations.

    The bottom line is, if a guy is treating you like a queen... it's because he really values you and doesn't want another guy to swoop in and take his place. He's going to do everything he can to establish boundaries with others that you are his. (Initiates contact with you often and not just at night or weekends, makes plans with you, verbally tells you he loves you, introduces you to his friends and family, does sweet things for you, goes out of his way for you, etc...)

    If a guy is just using you as an option in case someone better doesn't come along, you'll get mixed signals and overall always be questioning how he feels about you.

  • Maybe you trust people too much. Get to know the guy well first and wait before jumping in a relationship having high expectations :)

  • Same problem :( bad luck I guess...

  • we have bad luck.