Why do girls (or rather, feminists) hate nice guys more than abusers?

Seriously, I see so many articles and questions where women are ranting about how awful, terrible, evil, etc. nice guys are, but they rarely turn all that vitriol at abusove assholes, no, not bad boys or jerks, I mean abusive assholes, you know, the ones that actually deserve it. I don't see myself as a stereotypical nice guy myself, in fact, while I try to be nice, I know I can be a bit of a dick (though that's mostly because bad experiences have made me kinda bitter and cynical). However, I still notice it, and find it very jarring, that nice guys are treated as worse than guys that actually abuse girls. Why?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm not a feminist, but I have a few friends that are. I don't get what you mean about how feminists "hate nice guys MORE than abusers". It's simply untrue. Articles and magazines focus on how offending "nice guys" are, because they're an everyday thing, you know? People can relate, which means that those types of magazines are bought, those article pages get more views, etc. It's all about making money/views.
    Just because feminist writers tend to write about "nice guys" more than abusers, doesn't mean they hate them more than those types of guys.
    It's easy for feminists to write about how offending nice guys are, because nice guys are, well... nice. And feminists sometimes get the wrong impression about that because they might mistake it for the guy trying to prove to them that they can't help themselves. For example: A guy opens the door for a feminist. A feminist might be insulted, thinking "Who does this guy think he is? I can open a damn door by myself. I'm not helpless... Honestly, what a sexist!!"
    But their are a lot of articles written, trashing abusive asses if you look for them. it's kind of scary, really. You do NOT want it to leak that you're one of those guys around a group of feminists. They're ambitious and strong minded, so they'll know how to "break" you. :P


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What Girls Said 4

  • Well, they're more than likely not talking about guys who are nice people.

    More than likely they're talking about Nice Guys (TM) who are emotionally abusive and manipulative assholes that believe they deserve sex for being friends with someone.

    • I know full well, or, in other words, guys that use being nice as a pick up strategy, and, I'll be blunt, every guy you've dated, just like every girl I've dated, it was basically a game of manipulating each other for sex anyway, that's how dating works for everyone. And, I'd still say guys that beat the crap out of girls are a tad bit worse.

    • Love the trademark lol

    • I don't disagree with you. But emotional abuse is more common and less easily spotted. It deserves to be talked about and its perpetrators shamed.

      And ha, I'm demisexual so I rarely have sex.

  • "that nice guys are treated as worse than guys that actually abuse girls. Why?"


    There have been plenty of girls who've been abused by men who claimed and pretended to be 'Nice guys'. That's what feminists are talking about. They're talking about guys like Elliot Rodgor who think they're the epitome of perfection and any woman who doesn't see this is a stupid bitch who deserves to be raped or murdered.
    at least society demonize outright jerks, but we glorify nice guys as "heroes" or "martyrs on their quest for love" and any girl who doesn't repay their niceness with sex is a heartless bitch who wants to be treated like shit.

    • Just wondering, why are you bumping all these 'nice guy' threads? Are you alright? I keep seeing the alerts in the sidebar. 'Nice guys' get shit on constantly, I don't know what you are ranting on about.

    • Show All
    • @RandomUsername3464 "I keep seeing these alerts, and what you are doing reminds me of guys that focus on sluts and hoes constantly. It's not healthy."
      I am nowhere near that level.
      1). I don't apply this to everyone of the opposite gender.
      2). I don't obsess about it every single day. Haven't even been on this site for a while
      3). A lot of things humans do is unhealthy and obsessive. For example: Play video games all day, obsessing over a series, eating fast food everyday etc.

    • 1. But never apply it to people of the same gender
      2. Meh
      3. So it's totally okay for you to have an unhealthy obsession?

  • Some feminists are man haters, it's so fucked up because they won't even know you and hate you because you are male and you have a dick so you're a horrible person.
    I'd say to stay away from the ones like that..
    is pretty much angry people trying to find someone to be mad at.

    • Your so young and so sensible! I'm glad you exist! There may hope for this crazy world!

  • Where? In what world do girls prefer abusive assholes over nice guys? I always see guys saying this but I never see much of it IRL.

    • I'm not saying women in general, I mean more feminists than anything, I don't get why, when they have legitimate talking points that I do agree with, they rail on guys who were "being nice just for sex" rather than guys that "beat the crap out of me because we were dating and I wouldn't have sex with him".

    • Well that's some feminist just dislike males period.

What Guys Said 5

  • Because the nice guy creates tremendous insecurity by highlighting the fundamental conflict between conventional morality and what women find attractive. Therefore, many women, especially feminists, engage in mental gymnastics to try to convince themselves that these conventionally moral guys aren't really conventionally moral and that therefore it is OK to find them repulsive. Of course, though, these guys are conventionally moral. What women (and men) need to ask themselves is, is conventional morality really moral?

  • Because they're strong and they don't need anyone to be nice to them.

  • I think she does a good job of explaining why, far better than I ever could. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9XDb0nxSO4

  • Because women don't want "nice guys" (i. e lapdogs/guy girlfriends), they want strong men who know what they want (i. e "abusers).

    I detect a lot of bitterness.

    • You... you do know when I say abusers I legitimately mean guys that physically and verbally harm women, right? And, if you're saying I fall into the nice guy category, I don't. I'm openly arrogant and can be openly aggressive once I'm annoyed, I'd say I don't fall into the nice guy category. I'm more in the, pretty detached to most people anyway, too wild, and too aggressive when angry (in other words, emotionally unstable), to date category.

    • @Asker I don't think girls hate "nice" guys. What it is, is women prefer wealthy men (because let's face it, girls in our age group are gold-diggers.) From my experience, it seems wealthier men are the most arrogant assholes and men with less money are more humble and nice, for the MOST part. Therefore, girls ignore nice guys, because most nice guys don't have much money.

      It's not the personality trait, it's the income status.

  • Because if they are with abusers then that just feeds their hatred of men.. it's an endless cycle. If they get with a nice guy, they usually treat him like shit which provokes him... then he becomes another abuser... also proving their point...

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