New boyfriend (of 3 weeks) asking to "take a break" after we've been fighting (mostly caused by me)... Does this mean he wants to break up?

He's 27, I'm 32, it felt like love at first sight, mostly all laughing & natural chemistry. I got fiesty with him the 1st week we started going on dates, and after over-analyzing everything, I was going to end things (at that point I was his "girl but not yet girlfriend") . To reassure me he was serious about us, he asked me to be his girlfriend & "made it official" on facebook (sounds silly, but his family & friends are on there). Don't judge: I trusted & liked him enough that I slept with him after our first week together

He did a lot of things to show how much he cared, paid attention to details, brought thoughtful little gifts, made dinner for me, did my laundry with me... after a few dates and late night fun conversations, he told me he was falling in love with me. Things were great, he asked to introduce me to all of his coworkers, was very sweet... BUT I'd get angry at him for not calling at night, only texting, & threatened to break up with him - then he'd immediately call and try to talk me out of it

Week 2/3: nice wkd together, then came Tues night. We were drinking, then WHILE having sex I said "and you really don't just want sex from me?" (I don't honestly believe that's what he was after, he's shown me enough to know... I was just drunk & being stupid). He IMMEDIATELY stopped & walked away from me, pissed off. We argued, him angry about me not trusting him after he's tried to show me otherwise. WEDS he was a little distant, but we had a fun phone convo before bed. THURS he barely texted, then FRI he asked if I wanted to hang out Sat night. I said "next week would be better" b/c he'd been distant...& didn't contact him for 5 days (he didn't contact me either). I texted him Tues, & he said I keep saying "stupid shit" to him & breaking up with him. I called, told him I want to be with him, we were OK for 2 days... UNTIL last night: I got dramatic, he was tired of the fighting, ME: "fine, let's end it" HIM: "Can we just take a break"

Me getting "dramatic": I wanted him to ask to see me that wkd, although I didn't say that outright, I beat around the bush - this didn't work and so I said "I give up". He thought I meant I give up on us, and sent a lot of texts about I'm always hurting him, wants to be my man but doesn't need the doubt, I'm not making him happy anymore. I said "fine, obviously I've hurt you beyond repair, so don't worry I'll leave you alone completely." Him: "Can we just take a break" Today I finally said 'Ok'
I texted him today at noon (Sat, 2 days after getting dramatic over text) to let him know that he was right to suggest a break, as I've been really stressed out with other things and letting that affect our relationship. I told him that I still would love to keep the plans for inviting him to a big company event next week, but if he's not up to it I understand and respect his decision.


Most Helpful Guy

  • You need to treat others like you'd like to be treated. Which hopefully doesn't include these negative actions. Otherwise, you will get a negative life and guys will simply say "enough, I'm am done!". I don't blame him at all for getting pissed. He has every right to be, with good cause. I mean what could possibly possess your mind to cause you to say "you really don't just want sex from me?", when you KNOW better, and his ACTIONS have made that clear? That's just self-sabotage. What you have to understand is that you will NOT have positive life with a negative mind. It simply will NOT happen.

    • Thank you for your advice - you're right, I felt so strongly about him it was scary, and felt afraid of losing him

    • Show All
    • No, I don't sense that. Actually, he seems pretty well committed. Especially in light of the "stupid shit" comment. I think you'll be fine. Just stay positive. Give him a chance to trust your reactions and to warm again, if he's being a bit cool just now.

    • Thank you for the MHO :)

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Stop starting fights or let him go.


What Girls Said 2

  • Wow, this is pretty much me 2 months ago. Not this much but 2/3 of this.

    Sweetie, calm down ok? :) I was pretty much like you too (not that much). I was not dramatic but emotional.

    Throw out all the negativity in your head and trust him more ok? Don't ever threaten him by breaking up. Just put yourself in his situation, don't you feel harsh? He loves you. Sometimes people afraid when things are going to fast, but no one knows or can predict what's going to happen in the future. If you are keep having those insecurities, it will chase him away.

    Please do not expect him call/text/reply you all the time (everyday). Guys don't do that like us girls do (not even all but the majority). It is very dangerous when a guy say he wants to take a break. This stage meaning he is thinking whether or not he should stay or move on.

    • What happened in your situation? Thank you for sharing your experience, by the way

    • I basically was feeling insecure because things were moving too fast. I was heartbroken from my past relationships and use them as lessons. Although I didn't bring any past relationship in a conversation but the heartbroken and insecure facial expressions were all out there. Fortunately, my boyfriend understands and just treated as nothing. Later on, I felt super insecure whenever he doesn't reply to text message. And I even took EVERY WORD he said EXTREMELY personal. I even tell him to go find another girl because I am not a match for you. You know this that when you feel insecure. He knows how much I love him and the depression I have had with my parents, so he was grabbing me and pulling me to his chest and hugged me tightly and kissed on my forehead and said "Honey, don't say anything. I love you".

      After all of that I came back home sat in my room and rethink of what I had done. I realized that it was very disrespectful to him. So I stopped, and I care more about him.

  • It means he misses the time when he didn't have to worry about stupid constant fights.