Will I be freaking single forever?

I'm in my forties, and I'm still single. Don't necessarily want a boyfriend, but would love to date casually. Frankly, I'd love to have casual sex for a night! However, no matter what I do it just doesn't seem to be happening. I'm told I'm smart pretty blah blah blah but still I'm living the life of a nun. My friends are married and have kids and are not into the club scene. I can't very well go out to a club by myself and impose myself on other people's conversations to try to meet people! I've already joined a few groups in the community in order to meet others with similar interests, but everybody there seems to be married or taken. I've made sure to have conversations with people in these groups that are single, but nothing has clicked. I don't want to go online as I've tried it and it hasn't been successful, and sometimes it's been creepy. I have a friend who met her boyfriend at Starbucks. She just walked up to him and said hello they started talking and now they're in a relationship. I just can't picture myself doing that! People always say make sure you go out and smile at people when you're at the supermarket or whatever, & I always do. I'm a pretty outgoing person actually. I often say hi to people but how do you bridge the gap between hi and can I have your phone number? It just seems like something that's for television series and not real life. What the heck! What am I supposed to do? Any advice or thoughts on the points I've raised here would be appreciated.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Assuming that you really do look like an average women, and not some monster in disguise, then the most likely reasons you're not being picked up are:

    1) You don't seem approachable. This is a body language thing. And the prettier you are, the more unapproachable you'll become. So face the world, lean back, and smile. Make people WANT to come say hi knowing that you'll be awesome in return.

    2) You're not willing to do that things that people do to meet strangers. If you're not willing to walk over to a cute guy in order to start a conversation, then you're CHOOSING to be single. This includes dating online.

    I'll give you some simple advice on two fronts...

    Dating online. It's easy and awesome. Take your very best photo ever, and simply be selective before meeting up with someone. That's how you avoid the creepy guys. And... this is most important... consider guys that don't live close. There's more options than your crappy city has to offer, I promise.

    Making conversation. This is the easiest way to meet people, especially single guys. Learning how to make small talk with strangers.

    There reason you're fearful of approaching a cute guy in order to say "hi" is because you're way too focused on the outcome (picking him up) instead of being focused on the process (meeting a cute guy.)

    Basically realize this... it's okay to talk to a hot dude without trying to get his number. Some hot guys are married anyways. That doesn't mean you need to avoid him... The more you talk with random cute dudes the easier it'll get each time. So forget trying to take him home and just focus on getting to know him a little. If he's into you he'll show it, and he'll ask for your number.

    For example... invent and test a couple opinion openers... Something like, "Excuse me, you look like you have pretty good taste in fashion, can I get your opinion on something?"

    He'll say, "Sure! What is it?"

    You'll say, "Well... can I wear these jeans with these shoes?" Assuming you're in a clothing store trying on pants.

    Or maybe, "Excuse me, you look pretty healthy... do you know if yams are healthier than these potatoes?" while shopping for food.

    Etc, etc.

    The idea is to open someone up with a question about something situational. Make it short and sweet. And practice on everyone, including guys you would never date.

    Constant practice will make it EASY to meet and pickup guys.

    ~ Robby

    (My Blog: https://www.fullofhateandreadytodate.com )

    • awesome advice. Thanks for your detailed answer, I'm going to take it to heart. Actually, it made me think of something a friend told me. Sometimes I seem aloof, which I don't get, because I'm very friendly and outgoing, and actually I'm pretty good at conversation. I'm pretty smart, I'll give myself that, & I used to be a model. So perhaps these things are working against me?, how annoying!

    • Show All
    • thanks for commenting! So how do I work with the fact that my appearance might discourage guys from approaching me? I don't want to look less pretty! and have you ever met a girl you thought was aloof, like my friends say I am sometimes? What would that mean to you? And how would you suggest I change it? I'm outgoing and friendly, but that's after you've introduced yourself. Maybe I am sending out a vibe that makes a guy less likely to come across the room and introduce himself to me? I mean I don't sit there with a frown on my face.

    • We get what we focus on. So if you're willing to focus on meeting quality guys, then you need to make that a priority... which might be what you're finally doing now.

      I'm not 100% sure what aloof looks like... I suspect it's when you're seemingly disinterested? Or unaware perhaps?

      If that's the case then you need to be more interested and more aware, socially. Which means smiling at guys, making eye contact, and positive open body language.

      And more importantly "opening" guys in conversation. Like, when with friends in a coffee shop, you might ask another table for their opinion on something you and your friend are discussing.

      And you should really sit down and asses what kind of guy you'd WANT to meet. For example, handsome guy with a good career and a sense of humour.

      Then establish what those guys do for fun. Then go where those guys hang out.

      Sounds simple, but it's important!

      Drop me a line anytime, I got tonnes of advice for my single female friends. :D

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 8

  • I think you should focus on having fun rather than meeting someone. I find that the problem when you're in "search"-mode is that you're constantly evaluating and comparing people, including yourself.

    Find a wingwoman/-man. Someone in the same boat as you that you can go out with. That way you won't feel as awkward approaching strangers. And you're sure to have fun regardless of "results".

    You could also find a travel partner. Travelling is (supposedly) a great way to meet new people and have casual relationships.

    Join Tinder or Hinge. Go on dates.

    Or visit a swinger club. As a single woman, you're sure to be the center of attention, and you can pick and choose, if sex is what you're after.

    I think they key is to have fun, and don't be afraid to ask for that phone number.

  • its not impossible, you should keep trying. there's bound to be guys your age who are single still.

  • Odds are high that you will.

    • thank you for being unhelpful and cruel.

    • Sometimes I wonder if I should go grab the statistics that show the likelihood... But that's more damning than just saying it and having you decide I am lying.

  • Maybe. Maybe not.

  • I would say put on some good clothes and have fun. Go out and roll independently. Many people are attracted to an independent female. Just don't do out after dark. I wouldn't this to become a rape case.

  • Dont worry. You will find someone. I can't really give any advice except: Dont ever give up or become hateful or angry about your situation.

  • You can't be shy forever if you want something go out and live your life maam!

    • thank you so much for offering a helpful opinion. I'm very outgoing actually not shy. Do you have any feelings about how I would go about meeting people, considering what I've mentioned in my post that has not work for me. Otherwise my life is my family and my job, and those groups I mentioned, I have not met anybody I'm interested in. I would love to just go out on Saturday night meet someone and either hook up or actually have a date.

    • Well to be honest I don't have a lot of experience either but I just know I can't stick to my comfort zone forever if there are certain things that I want. I feel like bars and clubs are an ideal spot. Maybe a few drinks to help you feel relaxed. dress yourself up so you feel good about yoruself and then stop thinking about yourself after that and just try to be confident.

    • For casual dating that sounds like the best... I tell myself to not treat it too scientifically, just try to feel good about myself and then put myself out there lol... yea...

  • Go for younger guys, around my age.

    There are many who like older women.


What Girls Said 1

  • Just go online on a dating website that is what my dad did and he has a girlfriend now.

Loading... ;