I'm in my forties, and I'm still single. Don't necessarily want a boyfriend, but would love to date casually. Frankly, I'd love to have casual sex for a night! However, no matter what I do it just doesn't seem to be happening. I'm told I'm smart pretty blah blah blah but still I'm living the life of a nun. My friends are married and have kids and are not into the club scene. I can't very well go out to a club by myself and impose myself on other people's conversations to try to meet people! I've already joined a few groups in the community in order to meet others with similar interests, but everybody there seems to be married or taken. I've made sure to have conversations with people in these groups that are single, but nothing has clicked. I don't want to go online as I've tried it and it hasn't been successful, and sometimes it's been creepy. I have a friend who met her boyfriend at Starbucks. She just walked up to him and said hello they started talking and now they're in a relationship. I just can't picture myself doing that! People always say make sure you go out and smile at people when you're at the supermarket or whatever, & I always do. I'm a pretty outgoing person actually. I often say hi to people but how do you bridge the gap between hi and can I have your phone number? It just seems like something that's for television series and not real life. What the heck! What am I supposed to do? Any advice or thoughts on the points I've raised here would be appreciated.
Most Helpful Guy
Assuming that you really do look like an average women, and not some monster in disguise, then the most likely reasons you're not being picked up are:
1) You don't seem approachable. This is a body language thing. And the prettier you are, the more unapproachable you'll become. So face the world, lean back, and smile. Make people WANT to come say hi knowing that you'll be awesome in return.
2) You're not willing to do that things that people do to meet strangers. If you're not willing to walk over to a cute guy in order to start a conversation, then you're CHOOSING to be single. This includes dating online.
I'll give you some simple advice on two fronts...
Dating online. It's easy and awesome. Take your very best photo ever, and simply be selective before meeting up with someone. That's how you avoid the creepy guys. And... this is most important... consider guys that don't live close. There's more options than your crappy city has to offer, I promise.
Making conversation. This is the easiest way to meet people, especially single guys. Learning how to make small talk with strangers.
There reason you're fearful of approaching a cute guy in order to say "hi" is because you're way too focused on the outcome (picking him up) instead of being focused on the process (meeting a cute guy.)
Basically realize this... it's okay to talk to a hot dude without trying to get his number. Some hot guys are married anyways. That doesn't mean you need to avoid him... The more you talk with random cute dudes the easier it'll get each time. So forget trying to take him home and just focus on getting to know him a little. If he's into you he'll show it, and he'll ask for your number.
For example... invent and test a couple opinion openers... Something like, "Excuse me, you look like you have pretty good taste in fashion, can I get your opinion on something?"
He'll say, "Sure! What is it?"
You'll say, "Well... can I wear these jeans with these shoes?" Assuming you're in a clothing store trying on pants.
Or maybe, "Excuse me, you look pretty healthy... do you know if yams are healthier than these potatoes?" while shopping for food.
The idea is to open someone up with a question about something situational. Make it short and sweet. And practice on everyone, including guys you would never date.
Constant practice will make it EASY to meet and pickup guys.
(My Blog: https://www.fullofhateandreadytodate.com )1
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