Is this guy trying to use me? Are we moving too fast? How do I know if he is genuine?

I'm 20. He's 29. I really really like this man, I have never felt this way about a guy before. I'm super picky & indepedent (and still have my v card). I want someone special.

I met him, he asked me out 4 days ago. We have seen each other each night since for a few hours each. 2nd date we kissed, night 4 we made out. he knows im a virgin. He says we can take it slow, yet he wants me. Like, he'll say it's all your call and up to you, but then he'll put me in a position in which I feel like he just wants to have sex right now (but he doesn't force himself). He says he is only looking for something serious. He has had long relationships in the past (3,4 and 8 years). He said he's old and doesn't just want a fling.

I'm scared though. Mostly because i really am falling for him, and I don't want him to reel me in, have sex, then leave. He talks about the future with me, more than I do. Like he says how crazy this all is, he never would have imagined meeting me, and we only met 4 days ago and yet he is this crazy about me. I believe him, yet I am cautious and unsure. Of course I know the best would be to not have sex, but how long should I wait before im in the clear? Because when he touches me, i feel electrified from within, like energy just zooming up and down my body and I'm like putty in his hands. I have will power, but I also really desire him. He really does seem genuine, and he wants me to meet his friends. He wants to meet my family and visca versa. He asked to make it official already. We are. He wants me to be more affectionate, but im so scared that it's holding me back. I don't know what the rules are. We've seen each other 4 times in 4 days... Are we moving too fast?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I think you are moving too fast. I can understand how you feel though, really wanting someone but at the same time, afraid that all he wants is something physical. Just wait and get to know him better. I think it's super early to be introducing each other to one another's families, but it's fine to introduce one another to each other's friends. I personally think it's fine that y'all have kissed but let me tell you, making out will lead to further touching and kissing and before you know it you won't be able to hold back. Maybe he is genuine and wants something besides sex, but it's only been 4 days. You've held your v card for 20 years--I think holding out for a little longer won't be too hard. Good luck!


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • best i can say is stay cautious and hold firm.

  • Lol yeah this is going pretty fast. You guys are official, talking about meeting parents, and talking about the future after four days?


What Girls Said 2

  • He'll yeah that's too fast.
    Be careful with this one.
    Any guy, even a psychopathic one, will show his true colors (involuntarily/voluntarily) after 3 to 4 months.

    Yes, I just told you to wait that long AT LEAST before ever having sex with a "special guy." The special guy can wait years for you. YEARS. And wouldn't put you in a position like that.

    Plus... come on girl, you have to draw the line. You're so young, he can manipulate you easy. Say no to dates. Say no to kissing and touching. You don't know this stranger, so don't fool yourself. you know you shouldn't be so easy to see him four days in a row. He thinks he has you already. He's just thirsty for you babe. What you're feeling in your gut, and even your body (electricity going up and down) is NOT YOUR FEELINGS. they are HIS IMPULSE TO SCREW YOU. pardon my language. I know this feeling because I felt it with a "2-month boyfriend" who turned out to be a psychopath. I thought that feeling was special, it isn't. What he used to do say.. He frames everything like it's destiny or something. And he was going way too fast, talking about meeting his mom and getting married! And I LOVE YOU from week 4!!! No I never slept with him, but I was older than you and STILL, i almost believed his BS. Now much wiser and can spot them a mile away.

    Don't believe this psycho. Run the opposite direction. Don't see him again. He'll keep calling you for weeks but just tell him that you're saving yourself for marriage, and not interested in dating.
    You've saved yourself this long cause you're idealistic.. And he's playing to your idealism, he knows exactly what to say and do to fool you and make you second guess your intuition (the one telling you to run away from him). Sometimes you will think he's almost reading your mind. Right? That's bc he's not genuine, and he's only trying to say what you want to hear.

    Messed up right? Tell me about it! Get out while you still can. This is a trap.

    You wanna know how good a guy really is? Say no to sex. Tell a guy you're serious about this, bc you care about commitment and family, love, and your wellbeing (if he asks--but say it gently). Even religion as a reason if applicable. That one you can use any day and no one usually triesto change ur mind.

    And for God's sake, don't make out with a guy until he calls you his girlfriend. After a month of dating at least when there's a real connection, not just a fast lane lust erection. And stick to no sex till marriage. Saves heartache.

    • I also say run the other direction bc four days is nothing and you can get over him fast if you just date other guys.

      I dated that psycho for two months, not even three... And I was too traumatized by the experience (bc I realized I had believed major, countless LIES) that I didn't date for two years after. That psycho even used tears!! So don't fall for those fake tears either.

      And now, four years later, I'm with a good guy who loves me and wants to marry me... who didn't go too fast, respected the boundaries I had (bc I maintained them even if he forgets or gets lost in the moment) and he never gave me grief for not having sex. He's really honest and is REAL, and GENUINE. The dating process was well times and my heart, body, and mind all feel good about him. Unlike with the psycho lol my body was screaming run

    • Show All
    • Of course. Don't feel pressured to date now. Take your time to "collect" yourself.

      If you need support or someone to talk to related to this, I'm happy to lend you my hand. You can see my username, I'll leave it showing up for a day or two in case you want to message.

      Sending you love and healing!:)

    • Thank you so much <3 it really means a lot to just hear from someone else who understands. This past month has been difficult for me.. I've been beating myself up a lot.. How I couldn't have seen it, how it now affects my relationships currently. Or my perceptions of other men as well.. But like you said, I'm sure in time it'll heal. And I'll have to take that time. I jumped into something with another guy right away for reasons I'm not sure of really... And now I feel a double sting. Needless to say, I feel like a young stupid girl at the moment, close to a piece of poo in all honesty :/ I'm trying to remain positive or strong but I'm really losing it. Each day is a struggle. They seem to last forever and my sorrow or self pity is reaching new highs. It'll go away eventually right? I'm tired of feeling worthless and inept at life.

  • How long have you known this guy for? Sorry that part seems kinda unclear lol and it makes a difference in answering the question "Are we moving too fast?"
    To answer the question "How do I know if he is genuine?" I'm suggesting you wait with the sex a bit... You've waited 20 years, whats a few weeks more? 4 days seems really fast, I've been seeing a guy for a year and I'm still at times skeptical

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