Why do I get emotionally attached so quickly? How can I stop this?

Sorry in advance for the essay, I tried to cut it down!

So I think things never work out for me guy wise because I get attached way too quickly. If I go on a couple of dates with a guy, and I like him, I go crazy inside, all I want is to see them. I don't make this over obvious to a guy, like I don't endlessly text him etc, but I do find it hard to resist talking to them, I wonder if they want to see me. For instance there was a guy last year who I thought was absolutely perfect for me because we had similar attitudes, we seemed to think alike on a lot of things and have similar interests, etc (which for me is SO rare!). But because of this I wanted to see him every day, he made me happy, and if I couldn't I'd feel miserable until I saw him again. I feel like he picked up on it, and it completely put him off! This isn't the first time it's happened. With the whole chase thing, I don't allow it to happen. I feel like it should happen, otherwise I could come across as crazy and they won’t get a real picture of me.

A guy can do nothing wrong, but because he can't see me one day I get so depressed about it (why?) and act differently towards him, like I might be rude or frustrated towards him, and overall leave a bad impression instead of a casual, light hearted, friendly impression. I basically push him away so he doesn't want to see me again.

Anyway I want to change... I want to stop falling for the first guy that shows interest and I want be more of a take things as they come kind of girl. Please can someone give me some advice on how to do this... on how to not become so emotionally attached to every guy that gives the impression they are interested in more than just sex? I ruin things because I come off as easy, desperate, clingy, crazy etc, when usually none of them are true, I just like him.

Does anyone else have a similar issue? Or any guys that have dealt with girls like this in the past? Any advice would be great!



Most Helpful Girl

  • It is pretty common for women and sometimes men. You get way overinvested too soon and project an image of who you want him to be/ think him to be rather than paying attention for the clues into who he is and what he is wanting from you.

    I say when a relationship is new and you guys haven't agreed to become an item or exclusive, be glad to see him, enjoy the dates but don't go into it with any expectations further than hoping the date goes well and if so maybe the next one.

    I know the feeling of meeting someone you think is perfect for you but you have to keep in mind you are both putting your best foot forward. Even if you guys would be a good match you may be at different points in your life or the timing is off, he's just getting out of a relationship or too busy with work to really commit to anything serious.

    My best advice is to stick to what is material. You had x amounts of dates, he is respectful to you and the waiter and remembers what you say. He is quick to set up the next date... whatever, and not get too swept up in emotion until you guys have a discussion that you are on the same page and want to be exclusive. Remember to ask yourself not only does he like you but do you like him, is he the kind of guy you want to be with and why. The why should be based on actions not words.

    If the guy isn't treating you well throw your hormones out the door and wait for one that does. There is nothing more attractive than being with someone who appreciates you and is equally as excited to spend the whole night just talking and gazing at you. Best

    • Thanks heaps, that's really good advice 😊. I guess if feel I like I have a connection with someone I have trouble using my head instead of following my feelings, which obviously isn't always the best thing to do, it's definitely something I should work on.

    • It's not just you. For the most part that is how we are all wired but it isn't the way dating in the modern world works. I say listen to your heart but let you brain pull back on the rains a little until you are sure the two synch up.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Don't get too physical too soon keep it friends and hanging out. Otherwise you get fake feelings

  • you should see a professional.