Why do some girls face constant failure with guys?

Im a beautiful girl, everyone tells me this. I used to be ugly so I never lost that humility and feeling of being an average girl at best. I have a great sense of humour, I light up a room with my positive and genuine politeness with people. I am intelligent, pursuing a PhD but I never brag about what I do and only tell someone if asked so. I am fashionable and girly, love eating a lot of food. I have flaws as well of course such as being insecure (only developed ever since I faced a string of romantic failures while everyone around me did better), talkative (can be bad for some people), and perhaps many other things that only people can know. I am 26 and have reached a stage where I see love and relationships are working for everyone except me. I thought my day woud come but it never did and never will. I have stopped responding to guys hitting on me since I know it won't lead to anything. This one godly handsome guy I met in a seminar, showed clear interest and everyone around me saw it. They didn't understand why I wasn't just going for it. I guess I was unsure of all my failures and he didn't seem too interesting to me (besides his looks). Either way, eventually I realised I should perhaps give it a shot or at least get out there again. He once invited me to go to some party with him, but he didn't make a move or even try to move things along. By 7am i said i was tired and needed to go home and sleep. the next time i saw him, he seemed keen and yesterday a few of us were going out so I asked him to join. He said he wanted to at first and then cancelled, saying what about next week? Seriously... next week.. so I said okok, no problem:). And that was it. But today I felt down, why don't things ever work out for me? He clearly was interested and everyone sees it, but then no action. I always find myself in situations that make me feel horrible and not worth it. Because I have faced such things too often, whether in long term situations or not. So I give up


Most Helpful Guy

  • " But today I felt down, why don't things ever work out for me?"

    Hey, rejection sucks... dating gets repetitive and the amount of bad dating situations in a row can be frustrating and demoralizing... often times leads to how you feel now which is doubting yourself but.. we all go through it.

    "I have stopped responding to guys hitting on me"
    - hey your cards could be "no guys hit on me"

    Whenever you get down on yourself you gotta think someone out there wishes they have your problems and could be in your shoes. I know it's hard sometimes to get out of the "woe is me" but at least your issues are "bad dates" and not something health related.

    "Why do some girls face constant failure with guys?"
    - Whenever i get frustrated with dating, i simply don't do it and divert my energy to something else i feel is positive for my life... Then once enough time has passed.. i'l jump in with a fresh and optimistic outlook.

    If you're in a funk... no one you date is going to be fun because you're already starting off on the wrong foot, "i guess i'll do it, probably gonna end with a bowl of ice cream and t. v." rather than "ooo exciting, where should we go on our date!"

    • I understand what you mean. I always tell myself to get over it and tend to be very hard on myself with my first world problems. I also have a lot of pressure from my family to settle down and I feel sad for them that I can't even get a guy (its embarrassing). This time I did jump into it after a period of 1 year taking a break, I felt good again and then it happened again. I am back to the same crappy feeling. It just never changes, my luck never changes. I see people moving on with their lives. But I doubt I ever will find any love

    • You know, the feeling you get is shared by many out there. I was at a wedding and the bride and groom receited their vows which has helped me during "bad dates" season.

      she said "... you know, I was 34 and single. All of my friends were married with budding families and here i am... i felt i was just going to be single forever but i waited. For what? I don't know but i had relationships all of which i knew were not going to result in marriage.. but i waited.. for what i never know but now i know that i was waiting for you"

      The reason i loved this is that we all get that same "will i ever be loved?" But when you observe those around you.. you often focus on that "couple" but if you look closer.. there are many like you who are wandering, looking and waiting.

      "I feel sad for them that I can't even get a guy (its embarrassing)."
      - you miss 100% of the shot you don't take. If you want to hit home runs.. your going to have to strike out. We all do, so when your ready.. keep swinging.

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What Guys Said 4

  • Sorry to tell this, but i'm afraid u r a little bit conceited judgin by yer 1st few sentences... it's not a good thing, and most guys dislike this :)

    • You know the things I said in the first few sentences are things people tell me. My own belief? I'm not pretty enough, (i get told im elegant but still i tell myself) I'm not graceful enough, I'm not sexy enough, I'm not interesting enough, I'm not experienced enough (not had much sex), I'm not confident enough. On the outside I look the opposite. Only recently did I recover from a bad break up and allow myself to love myself and believe in myself. Then guys come and hit on me but the same things happen all over again, so I hate that I feel so worthless and undeserving of anything. I take it so personally instead of getting up and moving on

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    • You may be right, I get told I'm down to earth. I'll pay some attention if I come across like that. Thank you :)
      I would date a low wage not so educated man (I have) and he felt like we didn't match, I guess for him it felt like too much pressure even though I never focussed on those things as long as we could be happy together and we would make it. I do want a guy to have some form of ambition and focus but not necessarily a diploma showing his intellect. I am only pursuing a PhD because I fell into it and I want to pursue a career in research, not doing a PhD does not by any means refer to someone being less than me. I also don't think many guys with a decent education think that way. I agree that the guys I attract are 'weird'. My friends tell me this too, but still, I am always open to someone who seems interesting or catches my attention. Because you never know. I have stopped trying to change and improve. I have to accept things by now, I just don't want to feel so horrible about it

    • Oh sorry my mistake then

  • I'm on the same boats as you it happens but let me tell you this my case is because I'm not good looking lol. Asuming you really are pretty since I don't know. Well sometimes things just happen there's no explanation some people have rotten luck for this other have it for money, life is all about luck in some things, why didn't I get that great job? well bad luck , why am I single at 40 with 30 cats? same reason just happened that way

    • I know what you mean. But I believe we are responsible for it as well. I unfortunately don't have much left to give it a shot again. It has happened so often that there is no way my luck will suddenly change, life isn't a movie. Guys won't suddenly have more interest in me. It just is what it is, maybe I don't deserve it, maybe I'm worthless, maybe I have a disgusting personality, maybe I have a crap attitude. But what can I do? Why should I be perfect? I'm a pleasant girl, I really think I am... but I guess maybe not..

    • lifes a bitch ain't it

  • Hello Debbie Downer,

    You may be pretty and you may be smart and you may be taking some initiative. But your Debbie Downer attitude is off-putting. You probably don't smile much, and the amount of time you spend saying things like "not worth it" "I give up" "never did and never will" "I was unsure of all my failures" "I felt down" etc etc etc is a TURN OFF.

    People want to spend time with positive people. You aren't a positive person. Fix that with some confidence and a good attitude, and your "luck" with guys ought to improve as well.

    • Well i never show this to people. I am always happy and smiles with everyone, I love making people feel good and happy. I love my friends and have an amazing social life. I laugh a lot and am always missed when I'm not around. But I guess it shows subconsciously that I over think my situation? I mean this one guy I mentioned here, he said he wasn't sure if I was even interested. I told him, sorry I just take some time. He also said I seem so lively and confident (because I was worried about a presentation). So I don't know..

  • What stops you from initiating the action? Why does it have to be him?

    Also you sound like you're well full of yourself.

    • I'm actually not full of myself, trust me on this. I still have the same feeling that I had as a child and how can a girl be full of herself if all that happens is getting rejected? If I'm not ugly then it means I have an ugly personality right? It means something is wrong with me, how can I be proud of that? And I see friends with bigger flaws or other flaws but somehow it never gets in the way for them. And I am pretty shy, but with this guy I did invite him out yesterday. He could have used it to plan something (even if he couldn't come yesterday). Don't you agree? Either way, he is one of many guys. Guys just never like me enough or are interested enough. Its crippled me now, every single guy who has shown interest in me doesn't even want me. How can a guy who doesn't show interest in me at all? So I have gone into a shell, whereby I just stay away. I would rather not feel crap about myself especially ever single guy won't want me. So I avoid them because I know it means nothing...

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    • he met me in the first week, was showing clear interest. I wasn't interested enough or sure. My friends said well you're here for 2 months (i'm in Germany for seminars and a conference) so have fun. It took me a while to get used to the idea since I usually don't mess around (never have). But I thought it would be a good healthy change. Our group went out one night, he invited me to go separately with him to a party. We talked the whole night but he didn't make a move and by 7am I said I think I'll go home. He dropped me till my station and is extremely chivalrous. After that we met during this conference and we got along fine, he seemed to want to plan something but I was presenting the next day so I said sorry i really have to prepare. After that he added me on fb, yesterday I messaged him to invite him (i thought he was maybe embaressed since nothing happened the first time we hung out). His reply was that he wasn't coming and if we could do it next week. That sounded strange to me.

    • Rest I don't know..

What Girls Said 2

  • Where's the proof we just got your word for it? Can't really judge it on that. Also personality matters so maybe work on that. You seem to say I am fashionable I am this and that but that's not confidence it sounds like arrogance that for one thing not an attractive trait to guys an if your high maintenance that won't be ideal for men either. Take a closer look at what your doing instead of men. No matter how hot someone is if a guy is a flake or not boyfriend material he will show that in the end it may not be down to you a reason a guy acts a certain way but him just being a coward and flake many do it an have it happen to them. Whatever you do avoid dating sites

  • look its good to have intelectual brain but you dont have your emotional smartass corectly you have to be more confident and even if you talk a lot i used to be very outgoing but with lack of confidence so it doesn't matter and dont try so hard either be yourself and dont worry some day a guy will accept our flaws your past and all the good on you

    • Yeh I know what you mean. But its hard to believe in yourself when you have no reason to. How can I still be single and never have succeeded ever? It just means I don't deserve it or am not worth it right? Otherwise why would I be the only one?

    • see you are doing it again you are worth it okay you are going to succeed if you read, are disciplined, and independent and work hard of course that has nothing to do you dont need a man to be happy he will come alone dont search for love and honestly you need time for yourself right now if you dont love yourself how can you love others go to therapy or search on internet challenges and methods to embrase your confidence :* good luck girl

    • I don't search for love, I mind my own business. Guys come up to me and then throw drama into my life. Its tiresome and chips away at your value of yourself.