Why kiss someone else when you have a girlfriend?

I am a newbie to this, so please bare with me as I give a little history. I am married with the only person I have ever been with and have children. I met a co-worker 2 years ago and we hit it off great. We flirted a lot at work and eventually started going out alone dancing etc. Nothing happened until one time at work where he kissed me. I had only been with my husband and would have NEVER initiated anything, but then I responded back. We made out a few times, but it didn't go farther than that. He also had a girlfriend for about 3 years. Then something happened where he completely cut me out of his life for all of last year, up to this day I don't know why, but it made it easier to not think about him. Then this year, my husband passed away and he was the one friend that I was able to talk to and grieve a bit with. He had not talked to me all year and since the death he has been the nicest person as though nothing was wrong between us. Then we went out this past week with others, who wanted me to try to have one night without crying and we all drank a bit, danced a lot. Then there was 5 minutes where he and I were alone..As we were dancing, he all of a sudden kissed me. I know he was drunk, but it like all came back when he did that. I stopped it and we left. He's still with his girlfriend, but now what ? I keep rethinking about that night, what happened !

I am so miserable...I just wished he hadn't gone and done that and I wouldn't be here feeling this way. Things were good b4 when we just hung out & I talked about my spouse & my feelings about his death and about my kids...I need to let this go somehow


Most Helpful Girl

  • I am curious what other answers you get here because I've been in a similar situation. What is going on between you two is an emotional affair. It sounds like he has feelings for you (thats what happens w/emotional affairs) but was confused since he had a girlfriend. Also, I know the guy I was with was really nervous about my husband or his girlfriend finding out, so that fear along with feeling guilty made us end it. Now that you are "free", perhaps he feels safer and obviously he has still had feelings. BUT...is he still with his girlfriend? If so, I can just tell you from my experience that emotional affairs are SO painful. You can never actually have this person as a boyfriend -- who you can freely go out with. You will just be there "on the side" when he wants you. Until he says he will leave his girlfriend, I would not continue to pursue this. You will only get hurt. It doesn't take away the fact that he apparently has a crush on you. But, in the end, you will be the one hurt unless he leaves his girlfriend. Its not worth it. I have had depression and a lot of confusion because of what happened. I have been in a verbally abusive marriage & we are in counseling, but this affair only confused me more. Good Luck.

    • Noname1218, where have you been all this time :) This is the FIRST that I have ever spoken of this, not even to my sister nor best friend. Finally I know what was happening (Emotional Affair). Might explan why he cut me out of his life completely. But although I love his company alot, I don't want it to become an affair. I love spending time with him, cause he makes me laugh, I am a little crazy/funny so he laughs back too. But can we really be friends without the tension/chemistry?

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    • Look up "Emotional Affair" online, they say you CAN'T be friends-that you have to cut ties.That's assuming you WANT to cut ties. Remaining friends is EXTREMELY hard. Been struggling to have this balance for 2 months-we work together too, so impossible to NOT see each other. I am fine sometimes & other times in tears. I get easily depressed. Like you,we kissed-- also touched,no sex though. He has a LONG term girlfriend. If your guy cuts you out again, its probably out of confusion.

    • Also, wish I could stay in contact w/you- it would be helpful to have a support system. My situation is so similar to yours. Married the only person I was ever been with. Became friends w/this guy at work--eventually he kissed me. I liked him a lot as a friend but him kissing me just brought our connection to another level-now I can't get him out of mind-EVER. Very hard working together. He's so kind but is trying to work things out w/his girlfriend. I'm in an unhappy marriage-so hard.

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What Guys Said 1

  • He clearly have feelings for you. Sit down and have a talk with him about this. Don't force him into making up his mind. After all he's been with this girl for several years already. I'm sure he cares a great deal for her, just the way you cared for you late husband. He's probably the most confused of you two at the moment...

    • Thanks for your advice. I'm afraid though if we bring this up as a talk, then I might lose the friendship all over again. I did tell him though the day after not to let that stupid thing that happened destroy our friendship. I asked him if we could actually be friends and he said yes. Is this his way of having pity on me because of my loss or can we truly be friends. I don't want to be with him. I'll be 100% honest, I will NOT initiate nor lead on, BUT will I stop it if it starts, I don't no.

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    • Thank you, you are a good person whoever you are. My user name is actually Perfumyflower :)

      You have made me feel better and well I have better things to concentrate on like those 2 little boys who need their mommy :)

    • I'm glad that what I've said have at least helped you a little bit Perfumyflower.

      I'm sure focusing more on your boys can help you to distance yourself a bit from all of this. :)

What Girls Said 0

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