Boyfriend tends to evade my questions. Am I overreacting if I press him for an answer?

My ex tended to evade my questions a lot, even in minor discussions. I think it is partly a narcissistic thing (on his part) and partly being out of it (e. g., not fully paying attention). I broke up with him now but I am asking this question in case this happens to me with another partner.

This is an example of something that happened with my ex:
We were making out on his couch. He grabbed the top of my arms but it was too hard. I said, Ow and pulled back. I explained I am more sensitive cause I have fibromyalgia, although it's a minor case. He looks at me confused and with disbelief. I ask him, "You don't believe me?" He doesn't answer. I don't want to make a big deal out of it and we continue making out.

But when I think back about it, it was a big deal. By not even bothering to answer my question, it is offensive to me. He either doesn't know what fibromyalgia is... which is fine, but he could have asked me what it was. Or he really didn't believe me, in which case he is implying a) I'm making this up for attention or something, or b) I self-diagnosed myself and I am exaggerating my skin sensitivity. Both of these assumptions are not true (I have a diagnosis) and I find them pretty insulting as I have suffered a lot with my illness. He also didn't even acknowledge that he hurt me, like even a soft, "Oh, sorry" or even a nod, or smile, or gently stroking my arm would have been nice.

When is it overreacting on my part to press for an answer? I stopped myself because I knew if I pressed it would wreck the mood. But I really wanted to be like, You're just not going to answer me now? And then say, I'm going to leave then if you're just going to start ignoring me.


Most Helpful Guy

  • You wouldn't want that done to you now, would it?

    • If I was evading a question that was important to my partner, I would want my partner to bring it to my attention, so I can clarify myself and acknowledge his feelings. This to me is healthy communication. Avoiding, evading I see as immature, unhealthy and counterproductive.

    • If I didn't want to answer a question, I would respect that, never force something

Most Helpful Girl

  • You don't believe me? Isn't really a question that requires an answer. It sounds like a challenge that a normal person would avoid.

    • I see your point about how it seemed like a loaded question on my part. If it makes a difference though, I should clarify my tone was gentle and non-confrontational.

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 1

  • You could have phrased what you told him in a way he would have to respond. Like I have a skin sensitivity issue so could you be more careful when you grab me and look at him in the eyes that way you would at least get a nod out of him. Plus health conditions is something that should be brought up early in a relationship, you need to communicate things with your partner. If you don't like something speak up. It's the only way to work things out.


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