Today was me and my boyfriends third month of being together. Everything was going good until he told me that I didn't know what he was saying (it was in Spanish) so I told him. "How do I not know what you're saying? Oh right, since you're Mexican you know more Spanish than me. k. Ttyl." Then he told me I was racist. I told him I'm not racist that's ignorant and he said "you fuck*ng ignorant bitch, don't talk to me racist" so I was calling him multiple times and he wouldn't answer. I finally got through to him but he never apologized about calling me those words. Earlier he told me how he loved me and doesn't wanna lose me, how I'm a special girl but I don't believe it right now. This was his first time ever calling me the b word and it hurt so much. He told me why I was in such a bitchy mood because I didn't want to explain to him what was bothering me. I feel like he's going to call me that again because once you say it one time it becomes a habit. I feel like he doesn't respect me and yeah. I don't know what to do... I don't feel comfortable talking to him because of what he called me, I want to make us work out but I don't know anymore. He's acting just like my ex but my ex never called me that, I told him how my ex treated me and he's slowly turning into him and I don't want to go through the same thing I did with my ex.
Most Helpful Guy
The problem that you face here is not the name calling, it is his sudden explosion of rage.
It is not your fault, but you might have stepped on an old mine field. Deal with this carefully,
find out why he thinks that way (being angry with the racist part). Try to explain that you didn't mean to belittle him when you say that he is Mexican.
Hopefully it helps.1
Most Helpful Girl
You've only been together for 3 months. Honestly, I'd probably just break up with him.
Not only is name-calling really disrespectful, but if you date someone who has an explosive temper, you're going to fee like you have to constantly walk on eggshells, for fear that you may accidentally say the wrong thing.
I can understand that he's sensitive to what he perceived as racism. He's probably experienced racism throughout his life, and it's really awful that people have to deal with that. But it still doesn't justify his response. In a healthy relationship, if you feel hurt or insulted by your partner, you should talk to them calmly about how you feel and why and resolve it that way. While your comment doesn't seem racist to me, and I'm certain you didn't mean it that way, I assume that you care about him and would be willing to hear him out if he told you that it bothered him.
Anyway, if you do decide to stay in this relationship, in the very least, I think you need to have a conversation with him about, well, communication. For example, make it clear to him that name-calling isn't acceptable to you.1