Girls, What Should I Have Said To Her?

Girls, What Should I Have Said To Her?

I met a lady online and we talked on the phone a few times and than arranged to meet for coffee. I had seen a picture of her but it was not a close-up of her face. It was an attractive picture.

When I met her, she looked like her picture, but. . . when she opened her mouth, her dental care was horrible! Her teeth were caked with tartar buildup and her right lower cuspid and lateral incisor looked black! I couldn't imagine ever kissing this girl. Her personality was not a problem and I was already aware that we came from different backgrounds but talking to her in person really emphasized the difference in our backgrounds.

The following day, I texted her and told her that I didn't feel a spark between us and maybe if we spent time together we would have some fun but I did not want to mislead her. That statement was true, but incomplete. I didn't think I should say anything to her about her teeth because she should already be aware of the state of her teeth and saying something about it would probably only hurt her, which I did not want to do.

Should I have told her that her poor dental care was a complete turn off for me?

  • Yes, you should have told her
    Vote A
  • No, not telling her was the right thing to do
    Vote B
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
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Most Helpful Girl

  • I would have raised dental care in an abstract way if it was a friend but in this context of a date I think it would have just hurt her feelings


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What Girls Said 6

  • I think you handled it the correct way. I am sure she is probably aware of the state of her dental hygiene. She is probably embarrassed to go to the Dentist to get it taken care of. You cannot help that it turns you off. It is definitely something that would put me off. I think you acted as a gentleman should have and spared her hurt feelings. As @Jade4 said, if it were a friend, it may have been okay to raise your concerns, but in this instance you did the right thing.

  • I just saw this, @OlderandWiser, and wanted to state my case anyways.
    I don't blame you for being turned off. However, I also believe that if you cared about her and Knew her much longer, you would have accepted Her... Unconditionally.
    However, First impressions, not meaning anything dental but just First meeting someone, is the spark that lights the fire of course. And with her opening her mouth, it was best you did not open yours but hurting her feelings with More to say so Best to have let well enough alone.
    Good luck. x

    • If I had found myself in a relationship with her, I would have encouraged her to get some dental attention. But I would not get into a relationship if there was some matter that would have me holding back because, yes, if I am in a relationship, I am all in, committed 100%.

    • Okay, good this is good with Being encouraging with This sort of thing and you are an Honest John in admitting you would Not want to bother if you knew First and as a man. I also admire you for being Committed once in One... thank you for sharing.:)) xx

  • I voted B. Yeah she should probably be aware of that and i assume you are not planning to meet her again so you saved yourself the drama if you told her the truth.

  • If you wanna build a relationship you have to build it off trust she may not knoe you that much but she some what trust Dont bulid a relationship off secrets. you should told her the truth

    • You missed the point. I did NOT want to see her again. Yes, IF I did want to see her, a relationship should be built on a foundation f trust and honesty, but I didn't.

    • Show All
    • Sorry, but I wasn't trying to go ballistic on you. You were telling me about honesty on relationships and that is like preaching to the choir. In fact, I recently wrote a myTake on the subject of honesty in relationships and chastising people for being dishonest:

      In this question, I made it clear that I did not want to pursue a relationship with the girl but you were telling me that a relationship shouldn't begin with secrets. Do you see why I responded? Not trying to yell at you, but just set the record straight. No offense intended and I apologize if my response upset you in any way.

    • Its okay I have a lot of Patience's and I understand why you blow up on me missed read the question and its okay

  • isn't it kind of expected?

    • I mean she's in her late fifties, i'm assuming?

    • She was in her early 50's, but even if she was 60, poor dental care is not expected. If she just had cavity or two, that would have been fine. What I'm talking about is years of plaque buildup that indicates she had not had a dental cleaning in 10-15 years. It looked as gnarly as the buildup in the photo I posted.

  • not at all.


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