To date or not to date a smoker?

I just found out that the guy, who I am seriously crushing on and really want to date, is in fact a smoker. I didn't realize this, because he only smokes in his off time. He doesn't smoke when he is at work, so I had no clue.

Now I am wondering what to do about this. I am from Utah and am conservative on some issues and liberal on others. Well smoking goes into my conservative category. I see it as an unhealthy and unnecessary habit that just causes problems.

So now I have to wonder what to do about this. Do I ignore this characteristic for the chance at a relationship? Or should I stand my ground and not date him until he quits smoking?

Would he even be willing to give up smoking for me if he loved me? or is smoking one of those things where it is "take me as I am and don't try to change me" sort of thing?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm a smoker myself and I've dated non-smokers too...Some of them didn't really care but one was like you didn't approve of smoking but we reached an agreement I just wouldn't smoke around her or I had to go outside to smoke and it worked out fine and the smoking wasn't a factor when we broke up... We why don't you make a similar arrangement with him tell him "just don't smoke around me" and if he really wants to date you he'll agree to that condition...


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What Guys Said 3

  • Where do you view the relationship/friendship - is it worth throwing away because your moral against smoking?

    Relationships are supposed to be selfless - so if he truly cared about the relationship, stereotypically speaking, yes he would quit smoking for you; however, you should be willing to return the same favor if he asks the same, for some of your hobbies.

    Needless to say, I wouldn't throw away a potential relationship - maybe it was a childhood behavior that was hard to kick. Personally, I smoke a lot - not because I want to... but because I would be an ASSHOLE if I didn't.

    Imagine it like this: If I forced you to stop wearing makeup and to only wear uniforms for the military, yet you loved mini-skirts (in order to date me). How long would it take before you exploded lavishly in my face about how you won't conform.

    Accept him for who he is, or for nothing at all =)

    Don't ask him to change.

    Best regards,


  • Would he be willing to give up part of his life for someone he loved? Possibly. But would someone who loved him ask him to give up part of his life? Possibly as well. But it is much better to take people as they are, not for what they could be, or what you could change them into. If it bugs you that much, find a nonsmoker.

  • it's very very unlikely he'd quit smoking for you, this is something you'll have to accept and try to go out with him, or don't.

    • Why does this get a down arrow...? :(

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    • Aww don't cry. go find a chinese girl to cuddle you, Pandas are very special in China...

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What Girls Said 3

  • I'm a smoker! And I can honestly tell you that if a guy I was dating- even if I adored him to pieces- DEMANDED that I quit smoking, I probably wouldn't. Or I would keep doing it and try to hide it. Or I would try to quit and probably start up again eventually.

    Here's the thing about smoking: it's a (legal) choice and the only way to quit is for the smoker to decide it's time. No one can persuade, manipulate or force another person to stop smoking if he or she wants to keep smoking.

    If it's that much of a deal-breaker to you, find a nonsmoker. If you can deal until he's ready to quit, let him know you care about him and his health and you'd love to help him when he's ready. It's your choice what you do with the relationship, but it is NOT your choice what he does with his body.

  • he might give it up for you...

    this happened to me before... I figured I only wanted the guy for a fling, so I was okay with him being a smoker... but as for a long-term relationship, I couldn't be with someone who had so little regard for his own health.

    I would say, let it happen if it wants to. if he starts chasing you, maybe then tell him: I like you a lot but I would rather that you didn't smoke around me. he might change.

    try to get over the crush though... don't focus on it.

    • Aren't relationships selfless? =/

    • If they were... he would quit smoking so his breath smelled nicer for her. and so that he would live longer and be there to support her. and so she wouldn't suffer the harmful effects of second-hand smoke. .... but he wont. Because relationship are NOT selfless. They are selfish. 2 people using each other for emotional and physical satisfaction. That's all.

  • I'm a smoker and if some guy didn't want to date me because of it, then I see that as his loss. Quitting smoking isn't easy and it takes a lot of positive help from people to do it. I don't think it's right for people to judge someone just because they smoke. Yes it is a bad habit and I've been trying to quit for awhile now but it's not easy. And trust me, if you tell him you don't want to date him because he smokes, I'm almost 100% positive he won't quit smoking just to be with you. People don't like changing for other people about anything. And quitting smoking is one of them. Someone will not be able to quit unless they have the will to quit. I know that people who don't smoke don't like to kiss people who smoke, but I've found an easy fix for that. My current boyfriend right now doesn't smoke, so I always have gum or mints on me so when he kisses me it doesn't have the smoke taste.

    In the end though, it's your decision if you want to date him or not. But don't expect him to change for you, and don't try to get him to change. If he wants to quit, he will, if not then he won't. Good luck.

    • +1 from another smoker ahhah...

      P.s. another +1 for trying to quit, you're right, that isn't easy!

    • Haha no it definitely isn't easy...I've cut down A LOT but still smoke when I'm at work or in the car.