Guys, what would you do if a girl was honest and said this to you... you were pushing her away because you're scared?

I'm not going to play this push/pull game with you. I've been there, so I know what's going on. Because I care, you push me away. If I treated you like shit and was shady (the kind of girls you've probably always dated because they were "safe" and emotionally unavailable which usually means they are crazy in some way but they never made you uncomfortable because they truly never cared about you) then you would be contacting me.

Trust me, I've seen this in myself. I'm very self-aware. It's also why I felt comfortable being myself with you and why I made more moves than I usually do (our friends kept encouraging me to just go for it) = you're safe and emotionally unavailable, thus things wouldn't truly progress and subconsciously, I recognized this so I felt safe taking a risk with you. Yet, the guys that are texting me and wanting to take me out... I'm like ehhhhhh, and avoid like the plague. Hahahaha. It's a bitch. We're very much alike and I knew that the night we had that deep conversation and got real with each other. It's a cycle. To break it, we both - since we like each other - have to see it and understand why we do it, and work to fix it.

We're both scared, but we are showing it in different ways. I'll admit it, it's scary to be vulnerable with someone and we are both too broken from our pasts to dive into something that ultimately puts us at risk. We'd rather date people who can never give us what we need and play it safe, forever dooming ourselves to crazy bitches and psycho assholes, instead of going against the grain and dating someone that makes us uncomfortable for all the right reasons. THIS is why I've been single for 3 years. I saw the pattern, understood why I did it, and have worked very hard to change the kind of man I date.

It means you have a big heart and it has gotten crushed several times. As a way to cope, you subconsciously condemn yourself to women that will continue the cycle and hurt you because they don't care and don't pressure you, you feel safe, open up, and then BOOM. They rip you to shreds. This is all of my relationships in a nutshell. It's probably yours too.
So, what I'm saying is... I'm a very open and honest person and I don't want to scare you off, I just want to be myself with you and I want you to be yourself with me. I'm very passionate as my guy friends say, but it's because life is short and you've got to take chances, and for once in my life, I feel like I've found someone as good-hearted as me, and I would be stupid to just let you drift away without trying to tell you this.


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What Guys Said 2

  • I would feel like she knows what she is looking for in a relationship or at least has a pretty good idea based on past experiences. At that point it would be time to talk about what we think and want to happen in the future both with and outside of each ither

    • I couldn't fit it all in but it ended like this:

      I understand it's scary. But, if you'll work with me, I would like to see where this could go because there is definitely something between us.

      If you don't respond, I will go on about my life, make peace with it, and ultimately wish you the best. I just had to take this chance.

      Was what I said bad? How would you receive it? I was just tired of not being myself and I just laid it all out.

    • Show All
    • Thank you. I know my message was a little intense, but so am I. I'm a passionate person. I need to embrace it. And, thanks for the added reassurance that it wasn't too crazy. I was just blunt. I feel better.

    • No problem hopefully it all works out for you! Wishing the best 😄

  • Look, being honest, it's way too long. If I were pushing a girl away and she sent that to me, I probably wouldn't read all of it. I probably would not respond.

    Sounds like an intense situation. Whenever someone is pushing someone else away, the best response is probably a very brief affirmation that they can contact you whenever. Anything more is likely to be counterproductive.

    I know it sucks. I can tell you that, if you gently offer the person a soft place to land, it can work out beautifully over the long term. And I do mean long term. Good luck and take care of yourself. :)

    • I guess everyone views it differently. I am just not one to waste my time with the push/pull. If you can't see why you do it/like me enough to understand how I'm trying to rectify it. Then, I mean, it would never work out anyway. If they run and you're naturally a passionate person... then it would have never worked anyway. If I had read that in his shoes, I would have realized that person was someone I could trust. It would ultimately come down to if I wanted to take that risk with them or not. It would come down to me and my ability to see that this person cared enough to be rawly honest. And, either way, I can live with his response because it either says he didn't like me enough as I thought/isn't able to handle the person I am, or it could possibly lead to all the confusion and bullshit being resolved because it all boiling down to both of us being scared, which is what it says.

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