Guys, what is the difference between a "nice guy" and a "self proclaimed nice guy"?

I see this talked about a lot and from what I understand is a nice guy is actually a nice guy and a self proclaimed nice guy is a guy that thinks he is nice but really he treats people badly. Please no offsenive answers, I am just trying to understand better and I have not been offensive to anyone in this question. I am just asking for it to be explained to me a bit better. No mean comments.



Most Helpful Guy

  • The former doesn't get women and the latter is something that even die hard criminals do. Everyone will say they are nice in some way or another. Dr Phil's book about restructuring your life mentions some examples of this. Even murderers often believe they were nice. ISIS for example think they are "doing gods beautiful work and defending their religion'

    • So being nice does not get women

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    • Also nice people should be an attraction trait. Thinking nice people should be seen as attractive is not distorted so I need to become a jerk. Thanks for the books.

    • Sorry I am trying to understand this but it just seems screwed up to me. Why would you not like a person that is nice to you. Completely weird. Nice should attract.

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What Guys Said 5

  • Self-proclaimed nice guys think they're owed relationships by virtue of not being assholes. Me, I'm mostly nice, but I know when to bring out the asshole.

  • Expectations. A real nice guy is just nice because that's how he is, the idea of a reward for being nice doesn't even enter his head.

    • Oh ok so a self proclaimed nice guy thinks I am nice so women should want me, why are they not giving me sex. That kind of thing

    • Why else would they be complaining? If you donated to charity you wouldn't say, "I just gave $100 to the Heart Association and all they did was thank me and now they're asking for more money!"

  • nice guy is a nice guy

    "nice guy" is a sociopath

    i dont like this phrase tho because its a paranoia inducer for women dating actual good men and it can actually ruin healthy relationships.

    • Yes I hate it when the term "nice guy" is used to describe a guy that actually has a poor personality. It is so annoying. It is degrading of actual good men.

  • A truly nice guy does things without expectations, and I would say is detached from the outcome of how you'll react. He could pull out your chair for you to sit down just to be nice, he may even give you a lavish gift, but it's because he truly cares.

    The nice guy you want to avoid has an agenda, and it's usually easy to see it. Because he'll push for a reaction from you to acknowledge the nice things he does for you because he actually thinks the nice guy is what you want or need, and he wants you to realize you need him. This guy may also subtlely tell you what you need or deserve in a way that paints him as your savior.

    The best way to tell a genuine nice guy from a wolf in sheeps clothing is to notice how he acts around others and if his behavior is congruent with all, and not just from the woman he wants to bed!

  • You just answered your own question.


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