My friend I think is in a bad relationship?

the guy she is dating is older than her. she is 13 and he is like 17 possibly 16. he sleeps over and kisses her all the time. her mom died when she was 11. her mom wouldn't of liked this and her grandma just dosn't care. i am worried that they will be having sex soon or they already have. i don't know what to do i am scared for her. she is into cutting and the boyfriend she has is NOT good for her. he cutts also and he smokes and drinks and he is a "bad boy". i am worried. how should i talk to her about it?


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  • This is a really tough question -- unfortunately at that age, girls get so stuck on the idea of "falling in love" and they can lose parts of their personality to the first guy who shows even a bit of interest.

    It will be tricky because you run the risk of her getting defensive -- don't be hurt if she says that you're jealous or you don't know what you're talking about. She doesn't mean it, it's all the emotions she's feeling now for this guy, and she won't admit to herself that he's not good for her...

    If it were me, I would see three options --- be honest, be manipulative, or be supportive.

    Honest -- see if you can convince her that she could do better than that guy. There are sooo many great guys who you get to meet after high school (college, work, clubs, parties). there's so much to do with life (travel, make friends, play sports), does she want to put her life on hold for THIS guy.

    Manipulative -- casually bring up guys with better qualities, who you think would be perfect for her. Get it in her head that guy's have better qualities than her boyfriend, who don't smoke or drink because it's nasty. Don't relate it to her boyfriend, let her make the connection in her head and get her to ask the question (why doesn't my boyfriend do that?)...

    Supportive -- wait for this to go down in flames (and it will) and stick around, be there for her when she's devastated. She will need someone to stop her from repeating with similar guys.

    I know know none of these are easy, and there's no "right" option -- just do what you think would help your friend the most. It sounds like you care about her a lot and you're a really good friend. Help her as best you can, but she has to want to help herself deep inside before anything will work, so don't let yourself get too distracted from your own goals in trying to help. No matter what it will take time, especially since she is dealing with the grief (and probably anger) of her mom dying too.

    If you're school has a good councillor, see if they will talk to her as well - or ask your friends guardian to find a therapist -- it may be hard to believe, but tough love until she gets back on track may be the only way she makes it to adulthood -- as long as she's not on drugs/committing crimes, her head will clear up in a few years..

  • Its good that you actually cares for your friend and that your friend is really lucky to have you. You have to confront her. Tell her to stay away from the guy as he's a bad influence ( state why ) and that he only wants her for sex. Tell her that once your virgin is lost , no matter how much you regret , u wouldn't get it back again


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