So my boyfriend and I have been dating for 7 months now. I love him dearly but he does a lot of things I'm not comfortable with, I don't want to tell him what to do because it's not my decision but I don't know how to talk to him about his choices without sounding like a parent. He smokes a lot of weed and I mean a lot! I don't really mind that except it makes him fall asleep super early and he always forgets plans we have and kind of just ignores me when he smokes or gets very concentrated on video games. The only time I ever get his full attention and get to talk to him about serious things is when he's completely sober (this only happens when he sleeps over at my place). He's done cocaine, meth, heroin, acid, shrooms and tons of prescription and over the counter drugs. I worry for him but it also has put a strain on our relationship, well from my end. I've been around him when he's done acid and he basically just ignores me the whole time and only talks to his friends which is frustrating. He says it's because I don't understand what it's like since I've never done drugs before. Tonight he's doing shrooms and just won't text me back. I honestly worry about him a lot I don't ever know where he is or what he's doing, I always think he's in trouble and I don't know what to do. I want to talk to him about this and he always says he cares about what I think about his drug habits. I usually just say I don't care because it really isn't my decision but it makes me uncomfortable and all around worried. So please help.
Most Helpful Guy
Well, I would first say he's a douche and the fact that he's practically trying to tell you to join him in doing drugs after saying you don't understand what it's like since you've never done drugs. That right there is a big red flag. I would go to some counselors or experts in this sort of thing and get their help/guidance on this. I personally don't think weed is all that bad. Not that I've done weed, but I personally don't think it's as bad as the others. Meth, coke, heroin, and acid for sure are stuff he shouldn't do. After getting some help, see if you can convince him to go into rehab. If not, you may need to consider cutting ties and moving on to someone who's got their life more straight than he does.0
Most Helpful Girl
Okay... here's the thing. His behavior is annoying as hell, and I would feel the same way you do if I were his girlfriend. And there are some definite red flags there, that he is experimenting a lot and using a lot of different substances and he's forgetting shit and just being a shitty person in general. All of those things are *indicators* of someone who could have a substance abuse problem.
But the main thing is that he probably doesn't meet the *real* qualifications for a substance abuse disorder at this time. At this point, he's just a guy who is making poor choices and pissing you off by doing so, and unfortunately there are no quick-fix solutions for that. You may not like how he's living his life, but that's not really up to you to decide or change, right?
On the other hand, if you really feel he is destroying himself and going down a bad road, and you feel like it's very important that you make a change FOR him, you can just try to talk to him about his substance use and see if he can cut back/moderate with problems. If he can't, Google interventions or AA meetings in your area and those are solid places to start.0