My girlfriend (25) and I (28) have been dating for a year and it has been largely great. She finished law school in May and started as an attorney at the firm she has been law clerking at in the beginning of June. 1 1/2 weeks ago I helped her move into a new apartment (her first time living without family or roommates). Our only bickering ever has stemmed from me being into little tokens of affection and her not initiating them/being receptive of them as much because she's an introvert. It has never been a huge issue, though.
After I helped her move, I felt closer to her than ever. She had me help pick out stuff (couch, mattress, etc) and had to catch herself referring to stuff as what "we" need, etc. I took that as a sign she was feeling closer to me as well (she has admitted to moving slower/being beyond me before). Last Wed., after 6 days in a row together, she went almost totally silent which has never happened. I got concerned and asked what was up. She was just busy and stressed and need a few days alone. Foolishly, I started saying I was frustrated we weren't spending as much 1 on 1 time/having as much sex. She acknowledged the sex thing and said she was self-conscious about it. I was selfish, clearly.
This Tuesday we planned to hangout. I get to her place before her with dinner. I assumed a laid back night and casual talk about what was bothering me. It turned serious. She said she felt stressed/pressured, didn't know what she wanted and felt like she should because it's been a year. I told her it was fine, I wasn't in a rush. She said the affection thing was fundamental flaw she didn't feel could be worked on. I assured her it wasn't. She couldn't say we should end it, but just that she didn't know how we could work on it. I told her if she wanted it to end, she had to be the one to end it. I eventually told her I thought she was making a poor emotional choice because of stress and we agreed to give space/talk again in a week.
Is it all but over?
Do I wait for her to contact me next week? Or do I reach out on Tuesday? I'm so bad at this, but I am realizing a lot about myself and that I have, unknowingly until now, messed up.
I really just don't know where Tuesday night came from. I never thought it was to that point as we had never had a deep talk about it. It seemed like she was ready to give up.
Most Helpful Girl
She probably needs space. There's been a lot of change in her life recently and it can be stressful and overwhelming. She's also never lived on her own before, spending the first six days in her new place with her could have freaked her out a bit. She could have feared you were slowly moving in with her when she wasn't ready for that yet.
I think it's important for everybody to live alone at least once in their lives for at least a little while. It's such an eye opening experience. You mentioned that she's an introvert, so alone time is something she probably needs frequently.
As for the affection thing? It can probably be worked on over time. But take that issue slowly. Maybe let her come to you for a while at least, and avoid PDA.
I don't think the relationship is necessarily doomed.. As long as you don't get persistent and give her the space she needs. When she does come back around take it easy. Maybe only spend a night or two at her place a week at first. Let her get a feel for it, and make it her own. She's never had the chance to do that before.2
Most Helpful Guy
I don't think it's over but it may need a few repairs0