Commitment phobes: why push good men and women away when they care and want to work with you?

I guess I just don't understand the thought processes behind someone who fears intimacy when they encounter someone loving and caring that wants to work with them. Why push them away?


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What Girls Said 2

  • Because it doesn't matter how much you love someone if you're suffocating.

    • Suffocating? How does intimacy and closeness suffocate you? I'm really trying to understand.

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    • No offense to you, but that isn't normal and it's why people get upset. When you're in a relationship, you need to be close and also have alone time, but you shouldn't feel engulfed. Engulfment is a characteristic of abandonment issues. You're afraid to let someone in and people will get tired of trying, only to be pushed away and pulled back in.

    • Me wanting to hang our with my friends instead of sitting around and maybe hearing from the boyfriend isn't healthy? Really?

  • Not sure if it'd qualify as him being a commitment-phobe as we've been together for a year and a half, things are still good. When marriage comes up though, with more and more people asking us about that, he told me just last week why he's not planning to get married atm. He was cheated on by his ex, who was his first serious girlfriend. He had put all in with her, really gung-ho and supposedly thought she was 'the one'.
    Doesn't push me away but yeah, marriage in the future is not on the able because of this ex.


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