Should this make me feel uncomfortable?

Is it understandable that I feel uncomfortable with my boyfriend not deleting previous nudes he has received before we started dating? I was scrolling through his photos and he warned me about there being nudes, but they're from people he previously had a "thing" with, before he met me, I asked him why he hadn't deleted them and his response was "I don't know, I don't delete them because I have them."


Most Helpful Guy

  • When started dating my last girlfriend, I had to remove all evidence of my previous ex from my phone, computer, camera, and facebook account. I had a lot of pictures because we were together for a long time, but not anymore. Now I was dating another girl and she takes priority because her pictures are the only things that I would need. Yes, it should make you feel very uncomfortable that he hasn't removed those pictures. A true gentleman works to make people feel comfortable as much as possible, this is more so true to the person they are in a relationship with. I've never had nude pictures of any of my girlfriends (mostly because I don't view the girls I date as armature porn stars for my personal amusement) but if I did, you know they would be deleted the moment we started dating. It's a respect thing and what he said to you, this shear act of laziness and uncaring relation is completely unacceptable. It is disgraceful that he treated you like that. If we were dating, I would have destroyed the phone in a fit of rage then made him apologize (thankfully I'm not a girl). Communication. Make sure you communicate with him how it makes you feel and that something needs to change. This is one of those my way or the highway things, especially if other girls are involved (picture form or not.)

    • Thankyou so so much! This made me feel so much better about how I'm feeling right now - thankyou!

Most Helpful Girl

  • Totally understandable. If it was random porn directed at a more general audience it would just be meh, whatever. But these are nudes that girls actually sent specifically to him, for him. I wouldn't be ok with that, I would wonder why he felt the need to still have them. Especially if I pointed out to him that it's a bit silly to keep them. :/ I get that he might just be too lazy to go out of his way to select them all and delete them if he don't use them or care about them anymore, but you'd think that he'd delete them once they're brought to his attention. I dunno. Just doesn't seem right to me.

    • Plus, I'm sure he wouldn't like it if you had nudes of random guys on your phone...

    • Exactly! I felt super protective when I actually got offended that he'd still kept them, but I'm happy that you understand where I'm coming from because it makes me feel less crazy haha. I think it's mostly the fact as well that me, him and one of the girls who's pictures he has on his phone work together and just before him and I started dating she tried to sabotage it and turn him away from him so we've both always disliked her, so I don't understand why he'd feel the need to keep them and wouldn't just delete them to make me feel better about it, you know what I mean? I'm just sorta frustrated about it atm because I know he'd feel terrible if it was the other way around and I had kept nudes from guys I've previously had feelings for, pointed them out and not even deleted them

    • Honestly I think you should talk to him about it. It's not crazy at all I think, just explain to him that you feel weirded out by it and that you would be more comfortable if he got rid of the pictures (especially of this girl that tried to ruin your relationship... I mean hello? What even are you doing?). Just to emphasize how weird it feel, you could always bring up the comparison. "I mean, how would you feel if I still had nudes of guys that I've been with? It would feel weird, wouldn't it?"
      Most guys tend to not get it unless you turn the situation around, because they have a hard time empathizing with others... and sad to say, because they tend to hold themselves to a lower standard than what they hold other people to.

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 1

  • It is completely understandable. Especially if they are girls he knows. You are his priority now, your body is the only one he should be looking at. He needs to respect you. I would sit him down and tell him how you are feeling and make sure he knows that you think it is not okay and that it upsets you.

    Hope it all works out hun x


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