Should I just give up and move on? I really need advice?

basically, we met in sept while he was in a relationship and then ended it a month later after meeting me. (he never hceated). anyways, he wanted to have a fun light relationship with me because he wasn't ready for a real one since he had just broken up with his ex (understandable). but the problem was that he was leaving for 4 months once the semester ended and therefore we wouldn't be near each other to date. he told me to move on and forget about him and i did try. in April he messaged me saying he would have liked to have seen me before i left for my trip, and long story short, he and i spent the two months i was away just talking. then i get back and he is suddenly really flirty with me so i call him out on it and he said that he really wants to get to know me better when he comes home in August and that he's interested in me. but here's the thing, for a guy that says he wants to get to know me better, he hasn't texted me since the day we had that conversation and so im bascially thinking that he's a complete loser cuz he's playing me here. he's told me many times that he hates online communications so im not offended by that, but he did say he'd be willing to try Skype but that he'd let me know when he's free (its been a week and nothing). here's my issue, he comes back and will be home for 2.5 weeks before leaving again for 4 months. for a guy who didn't want to do long distance in the first place, why would he choose now to want to get to know me if he doesn't know what he wants? do i tell him off or do i give him a chance?

sorry if im explaining this poorly. im just trying to summarize it

he said that he wants to see me when he returns


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What Guys Said 1

  • It comes down to your own needs and desires. You are willing to put in the time and commitment, but from his aspect he isn't willing to do that. Long distance relationships are extremely taxing on people and their relationships. But you both don't really have a solid foundation of friendship or romance to hold that together. He isn't really that invested because he knows he's going to be away. I'm trying to look at it from multiple angles but I'm really only seeing two: the first is that he is interested but isn't really focused on you right now. The second is that he's not interested but doesn't mind keeping you on the hook until he can see you. I wonder what kind of job he has where he has to be gone for four months at a time. It seems like his schedule is too extremely for a solid relationship and he is already showing signs that he can't even focus on you for just a little bit making it very difficult to work with. I don't know how amazing this guy is, but I suggest you find someone more stable and clearly more interested in you, rather than someone who is inconsistent and you have no idea his interest in you.

    • he goes back to school out west haha thats why. and thats what im thinking. i honestly dont think that my being sexually attracted to him is a good enough reason to see him. i even told him that i want a relationship and that if he can't give me that then im out and he said that he can't commit to a relationship until he gets to know me first. we do have insane sexual chemistry, like insane to the point where im worried ill want to rip his clothes off if/when i see him haha, but im starting to think that thats not enough

    • what bothers me the most is that I've been waiting for this for months and now that he's finally expressed that he's interested in me i am confused as to what he hopes to gain from this because ya it would be great getting to know each other while he's here, but what happens when he's back out west?

    • Like I said, it's possible he's hoping for something that's almost impossible. I can't tell you what he's thinking, just suggest what you should be doing, and that is really taking a look at whether or not you're alright being left behind while your feelings are left unchecked by someone who has expressed their opinion that you aren't worth it to him. It's not anyone's fault, but he isn't committed to you so it should be more clear that you have become a second choice to, in this case, school or someone who lives closer to him. It's almost like he expects you to just be available to his schedule. You aren't someone's beck and call nor a second choice. It's sexist to say since that's what most people think, but I feel that the guys need to get the girl. It's fine if the girl decides to put in an effort, but never should a guy ever sit around waiting for the girl to take action and make the relationship her responsibility.

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