Why is it impossible for me to go on a date?

I, admittedly, am still in love with my ex-boyfriend. I have not so much as heard his voice since this past summer but I still can't get him out of my head or my heart. I get asked out on dates frequently and I go on them but while I'm sitting across the table from the man I feel so plastic. What I mean to say is that I don't feel comfortable, I don't feel like I am being myself and I dread the date continuing for longer than forty-five minutes. I respect the guys that I have gone out with but they have never gotten the "real me" because I am always lost in space, wondering when the dinner will finally be over. All of my friends tell me that I need a new man or new men to get over my ex, but so far new men are making me think of him even more! Plus, I would never get involved with someone to simply feel better about myself! That is very wrong, very fake and it's, simply put, "not me".

Has anyone ever felt what I'm describing here? How did you get through it?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I've been there and trust me, it takes a very long time to fully get over him.

    All through highschool and college, I dated only one guy. We were together for over 8 years before he decided that he wanted to break up and date other people. It's been 2 years since then and a part of me is still completely in love with him and want him back.

    I was just like you, I went out of dates, flirted with guys at bars, but it wasn't really me. It almost felt like I was watching a clone of myself doing these things. I wasn't having fun, my dates weren't having fun. But recently, I met a really nice guy that I really like and since I started dating him, I've been able to move on.

    Trust me, you will get over this. You just need the right guy to pull you out of this slump.

    Best of luck


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What Guys Said 4

  • Does your ex know how you feel about him?

    Could he (perhaps) feel the same?

    From my experience 'true loves' never go away.

    We keep a special place in our hearts that only they can fill.

    And replay sweet memories. This does not affect current relationships/marriages.

    It's too deep down. I've been married for 21+ years; it's a happy marriage and it will continue 'until death do us part.' But I still often think of Germany and Inge and...

    In time you can move on. But there will always be a longing for what could have been.


  • If you listen to the radio psychologist Dr. Joy Brown she would tell you to take an extended time away from dating. Her philosophy on divorce is No Dating for a Year and while I feel a year is a bit extreme I DO think she makes a good point.

    When you leave a relationship that has existed for an extended period you need time to readjust your thinking back to you. That's not to say becoming selfish or anything but when you are inn a relationship you make adjustments to your life. That's what relationships are... Voluntary adjustments with another person in mind. Maybe that's what we can only handle so many relationships at one time?

    I don't know how long you were in your previous relationship or any of the circumstances involved in the split. Those are not the important factors right now. Perhaps what you need is a bit of time to readjust before you step right back into trying to start the process all over?

  • Its honestly taken me almost a year to get over someone I've had strong feelings for. I'm not all that surprised your at 4months and still feel for him

    Your doing the right things, but in my opinion its a combination of you still trying to get over your ex and the guys your going out with, your just truly not interested in them in that way. Are you going out with guys whom you've known for a long time?

    • Hey! Thank you for your answer. No, I have not known them for long. I usually meet men at the theatre where I perform (I'm a comedian) when they come to a show. I sometimes wish it were the man I am thinking of that would go to my shows instead... =(

      But you're over your ex now? It must feel amazing! Getting over someone is awesome. I've done it before... it takes a lot of time and many long walks (for me).



    • It wasn't even my girlfriend - it was a girl I was dating for about 4-5months off and on. I've never got along with a girl that well in my life. I just didn't have the confidence to ask if she wanted to be my girlfriend. And she took that as disinterest and eventually ditched me. Extremely difficult time in my life

      I know how you feel - but eventually I think there will be a man that goes up to you after your show who you will legitimately like and want to see again.

  • at least you have had a boyfriend before, look at me, I've almost 22 and have been single my whole life.


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