I'll try to keep this short. All my life I've never fit in. I went to a tiny school from k-8, and I was always the ONLY kid left out of EVERY activity. Same thing when I got to high school. People have always apparently seen me as more of a sideshow then a possible friend as they seem to think I'm funny but that's about it. As it is, I have 2 friends who I lean on heavily and I feel I'm just pushing away. They both have emotional issues as well, which is probably why they don't mind knowing me. I don't know how to get friends, and it goes without saying that girls despise me. I'm good-looking, not drop dead gorgeous, but good enough for someone who's settling and good enough to unfortunately not want to date really ugly people, (which I feel terrible about as it's probably the only chance I've got), I've been told several times I'm an incredibly kind person, but look where it's gotten me. I'm incredibly alone and have about as much chance of dating someone as I do winning the Kentucky Derby. I guess I don't mind the lonliness as much as I hate how people hate me for it, as if I wanted it this way. People avoid you because they know you don't have friends, and girls? Yeah... I'm like a f#ucking dieseased rat to them. The looks people give me and remembering all their comments and actions used to make me cry... now I just don't really care anymore... I'm rather numb to it. How do I completely do a 180 on myself? I'm almost 21 and am running out of hope at a normal life. I couldn't kill myself or anything, that's not an issue, but I don't want to go on like this. Please don't delete this question mods, I need the help..
Hopefully one person answers...