I used to be a happy and friendly guy. But these last few years, I've been involved in the dating game and I feel, that because most ended on a bad note, like im changing into a more negative person. I dont smile as much anymore, Im much more reserved. Before dating, I had tons of friends that were girls, but now I dont have any. I used to not deal with girls and only befriended them but unfortunatly it led me to be their "big brother"/"friend". Now I won't tolerate any bullshit games that girls put me through. This doesn't only affect the girls, but I can tell Im much more hostile and aggressive... something I never was prior to dating. Almost like I have a spine or backbone now and stand up for myself. Anyone have any ideas?
Most Helpful Girl
I think it's perfectly normal to feel this way, especially after having struggled in the dating world for so long. I've felt this way too when I was single. It's frustrating as hell trying to navigate through this whole thing. Everyone has rules, "Don't call him, he'll call you", "Don't seem too eager or they will lose interest", "Only call 3 days after the initial date or you will seem too excited and clingy!", etc... We've all heard this type of advice. And often times it conflicts with other advice we are given. This only complicates things further.
Plus it's hard when there are people out there who aren't honest about what they are looking for. So they play games, take advantage of you and then disappear.
My advice is to just take a break. I know it's hard, but this happened to me. I stopped actively searching and just kind of took a breather. I found myself getting really depressed and angry over the situation. That's when I started to have better luck. I was online dating and I had given up almost, because I wasn't seeing results. I did everything right, I had a good profile, several pictures, I sent lots of messages and was not getting any responses.
So I almost hung up my towel. I was so frustrated about my lack of success, despite working so hard. So I just started getting passive about it. I didn't really put any effort into dating, I just only responded to guys I was actually interested in who took the time to send me a thought out message. My now boyfriend actually ended up messaging me and send me a really sweet message. We met, and after meeting him I just kind of went into tunnel vision and I couldn't get him off my mind. I really fell for him and just felt this pull towards him.
I think you should spend time doing things you enjoy. Explore some new hobbies and just try to regain your happiness. Then when you are feeling better, take a small step back into dating.0
Most Helpful Guy
Usually there is nothing more strongly related to our sense of self worth than our romantic endeavors. It's like our default setting. Don't confuse hostility with having a backbone. That's the mental loop weak people get caught up in. Think about a tree. A young tree snaps when you push it. A stronger tree bends and smacks you back. But really strong trees don't move. Their rigid and strong and it takes heavy machinery to push it over. I remember hearing the phrase "you can judge a man by what upsets him". What do you think is harder to do: Retaliate and revolt in a dangerous world or maintain ones composure and joy surrounded by turmoil? Dating is one of the few times where we make our true selves vulnerable. It's like we meet each person with a vase. That person in their own unique way judges that sculpture. Each person will feel different. Some will hate it and mock it. Some will say "I like it" but won't purchase it. Some will say "I want it" but when they see the price they can't afford it. Some people you simply don't trust enough to care for the vase. It's a one of a kind and precious to you. But what's important to remember is that those people dont get to determine the value of that vase. They do not know how much work went into it. They do not know the meaning it holds. It is your vase. The trick is learning to separate your opinion of your vase from thier's and acknowledging the subjective nature of it all complete with perceptual biases. Or in more cliche terms you have to learn to love and accept yourself. It's easy to get offended when people don't accept what you believe is of high value and sometimes you begin to question yourself. That's were the anger and hostility comes from. That pain and confusion of seeing and experiencing others seemingly not value something you think is phenomenal mixed with your own doubt about yourself. It puts you in a stressful state. A state that can only be escaped by learning to accept your vase as well as the opinion of others and that's something only you can do for yourself.0