I used to be a happy and friendly guy. But these last few years, I've been involved in the dating game and I feel, that because most ended on a bad note, like im changing into a more negative person. I dont smile as much anymore, Im much more reserved. Before dating, I had tons of friends that were girls, but now I dont have any. I used to not deal with girls and only befriended them but unfortunatly it led me to be their "big brother"/"friend". Now I won't tolerate any bullshit games that girls put me through. This doesn't only affect the girls, but I can tell Im much more hostile and aggressive... something I never was prior to dating. Almost like I have a spine or backbone now and stand up for myself. Anyone have any ideas?
Most Helpful Girl
I think it's perfectly normal to feel this way, especially after having struggled in the dating world for so long. I've felt this way too when I was single. It's frustrating as hell trying to navigate through this whole thing. Everyone has rules, "Don't call him, he'll call you", "Don't seem too eager or they will lose interest", "Only call 3 days after the initial date or you will seem too excited and clingy!", etc... We've all heard this type of advice. And often times it conflicts with other advice we are given. This only complicates things further.
Plus it's hard when there are people out there who aren't honest about what they are looking for. So they play games, take advantage of you and then disappear.
My advice is to just take a break. I know it's hard, but this happened to me. I stopped actively searching and just kind of took a breather. I found myself getting really depressed and angry over the situation. That's when I started to have better luck. I was online dating and I had given up almost, because I wasn't seeing results. I did everything right, I had a good profile, several pictures, I sent lots of messages and was not getting any responses.
So I almost hung up my towel. I was so frustrated about my lack of success, despite working so hard. So I just started getting passive about it. I didn't really put any effort into dating, I just only responded to guys I was actually interested in who took the time to send me a thought out message. My now boyfriend actually ended up messaging me and send me a really sweet message. We met, and after meeting him I just kind of went into tunnel vision and I couldn't get him off my mind. I really fell for him and just felt this pull towards him.
I think you should spend time doing things you enjoy. Explore some new hobbies and just try to regain your happiness. Then when you are feeling better, take a small step back into dating.0
Most Helpful Guy
Were you raised by a single mother?
It sounds like you had a misguided view of women. They aren't what you expected, you dislike the cognative dissonance this is causing.
You dislike the fact that just as some men simply see women as sex conquests, the majority of women in your life see you as a utility to be manipulated?
You are on the right path.
The sooner you realize the nature of women the sooner you can replace that anger and sadness with indifference. Then you can start having relationships based on what's actually good for you rather than the false image that occupied your mi nd. Then you will be happy again.1