My boyfriend says Playing Hard to get only works in the movies... But in real life there will always be Easy Girls?

We were talking and I mentioned how I was the one who asked him out... Then I asked if I didn't approach you would you have approached me? He said maybe. I asked if I played hard to get would you have still tried? He said he doesn't know. He said in real life if a girl plays hard to get most guys he knows just start trying there odds with other girls and go for girls who are easier.

I kept saying how if she's the one he'd keep persisting but he said in the movies a guy could get rejected by a girl playing hard to get and still try many more times. But most guys are either already sexting lots of girls and rejection means stop trying in real life. Is he right? he claims playing hard to get like the movies is reserved for hot hot girls like Kate Upton or Megan Fox... Is playing hard to get BS in real life and is it only exclusive to women?

by the way it makes me cringe typing hard to get lol. Dont know why.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Yeah, he's right. Honestly, with the amount of girls out there, I'm not gonna waste my time trying to get a girl I don't know she will want me or not. The chances of her getting annoyed are higher than of her liking me.
    In the movies it works cause everyone like to see that type of romance, but in real life, no guy is gonna waste months or years of his life on a girl, chances are that he could move on and find a better girl in that time.
    You can't call a girl "the one" when you haven't even started dating and the only thing she does is reject you.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Usually, the more insecure someone is (male or female) the more they will feel an emotional need to play hard to get.

    Why? Because they need to validation, general and specific. They want to feel like they are wanted and desired by the opposite sex and the person they are dating specifically.

    They also need to "feel secure" and play power games. By playing hard to get, they are essentially asking for it to be "okay" for the "other person" to "give give give" and invest so much in this new relationship, just so that the person playing hard to get can reciprocate with mere breadcrumbs.

    This sets us a "power dynamic" that makes the insecure person feel safe. By causing the other person to invest more and disproportionately, if things "end" or "stop," then "the other person," had "lost more."

    So, this sets up disproportionate bargaining leverage for the insecure person. "I" (the insecure person) can demand more and ask for more, and the other person will usually comply or concede, because if they risk challenging me, and I end things, they have lost more!

    People who do this do so because they feel that without this artificially created disproportionate power dynamic in their favor, the person they are interested in would have more negotiating power, and it would case the insecure person to endlessly compromise. This is not true, but merely "projecting" or "projective identification."

    It's completely disrespectful regardless whether it's the man or woman that's doing it.

    I've played hard to get when I was younger, and I was emotionally aware of "why" I was doing it. The whole "excuse" that guys like it or want women who do is BS. It's what we say publicly or socially to hide the truth.

    When guys play hard to get with me, it's a total turn off. It raises a red flag in my head to look for what he's insecure about. His car? His house? His job? His looks? His history with women?

    What I've found is that the more emotionally content people are, the less they feel the emotional need to play hard to get. They're just open, forthcoming and respectful.


Recommended Questions

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 6

  • Those who play hard to get end up being hard to want.

    Don't get me wrong, most guys wouldn't want a girl that would spread her legs for us as soon as we say "hi". But if all you do is reject and/or ignore us, it becomes annoying as FUCK.

  • yeah, he's pretty much spot on. some guys like the hard-to-get chase thing, but in general no. For most guys any sign of rejection, even in jest, is simply taken as rejection, so they move on.

  • I don't know a single guy who actually likes it when girls play hard to get. It's also a turn off for me.

  • I work two jobs and go to school and the gym. Playing hard to get and flaking is the number one reason I delete numbers.

  • playing hard to get does not work at all.

  • he is correct. If you don't show that you LIKE someone, WHY should I keep trying to persue you if there is no chance at getting someone? Yes, a little bit of hard to get, a LITTLE bit, is necessary but if thats all you do I wish you good luck


What Girls Said 2

  • Playing hard to get is STUPID.

  • guys always say stuff like that and "girls should do the chasing" because that means increased chances of sleeping around

    ignore it

    ACTUALLY with most guys if you see what he says he wants, and see what he actually goes after
    you will find completely opposite things

    • Ignore this comment, listening to what a girl says about what happens inside a man's brain is like listening to Kim Kardashian talk about astronomy.

    • Or a guy talk about, "the third trimester and what to expect," (written by, some man).

    • @AleDeEurope Or like listening to Donald Trump talk about how he will "make America great again".

Recommended myTakes