My boyfriend and i are both 24 and have bern dating for 2 years. I found out that he has been having lunch with his ex of 3 years that he broke up with 6 months before we started dating. They work nearby eachother and my boyfriend says they met up like 3 times. Im really hurt that he didn't mention this to me right away because to me having lunch with an ex is different than just a female friend that he never had feelings for. He said he didn't want me overreacting. What i told my boyfriend was when he said that it rells me that meeting up with his ex and her feelings are more important than your current gfs feelings when obvs it should be the opppsite. My best friend and mom both said that if it was innocent that he should invite me along everytime and that lunches or whatever with exs should be done as a couple. My boyfriend apologized and said he realized how it lookwd and sounded. Should i give him another chance or dump him
Most Helpful Guy
This isn't something to dump a boyfriend over, insecurities never are. Assuming he's telling the truth, for which there seems to be no reason not too, the main reason he didn't tell you was because of the very fact that this is the kind of response he was expecting from you. Now this doesn't in any way excuse the fact that he didn't tell you, that was wrong, but clearly for whatever reason he doesn't feel comfortable enough with you to tell you about these things and apparently that is because he expects you to overreact. He is responsible for being open about these things with you, but you, in turn, are responsible for giving him the room to do so, which you're not if you expect him to only spend time with an ex if you're there with him.
Moreover, you're misreading the situation. This has nothing to do with feelings his ex might have or him prioritizing those feelings over yours. That's how you're interpreting it because it's strategically convenient for you to do so in order to place full responsibility for the situation on him, while it seems to me like the reality of the situation is that the guy felt like he was stuck behind a rock and a hard place.
What I'm trying to say is: making him feel like he's being trusted is at least as important as trusting him. You're going to need both for any relationship to work.4THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE
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Most Helpful Girl
Dump him. He clearly has no respect for how his actions could effect you or the relationship... and by meeting up with his ex, he's now created a trust issue between the two of you.
Any man who values his woman isn't going to risk that by meeting up with someone he used to have relations with. It's never innocent. You either hate your ex when you dump them or some feelings linger. If he met up with her more than once, that means he obviously doesn't hate her lol.
I know it's hard if you've been with someone for 2 years and you think you know them, but he's shown complete disregard for what should be his #1 priority. If he met with her a few times already, what happens during future meetings? That means more bonding between the two... and eventually, possible cheating.
He's already not behaving in a way that shows good character. Do you really want to date someone who treats you like that? Who is so careless with his relationship he's willing to risk it by meeting up with an ex? You want to constantly have questions now every time he gets a text? Because that is what you are committing to if you stay with him.
You are 24; I'd say you have a TON of life to be had without this guy... and can find someone who will treat you like a priority instead of an option.1THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE