"Love isn't about attraction. You can love someone you're not attracted to. Is this true?

Is this true? Can you love somebody and not be attracted to them. My argument is that pick up artists teach guys to become more attractive and competent with attracting women. Without attraction (what pick up artists teach), one cannot get love or long term relationships.
  • Yes
    Vote A
  • No
    Vote B
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So far, @ghostchips post is kicking arse in terms of 'you need attraction" www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1652317-would-you-date-someone-you-weren-t-physically-attracted-to
Yes people: romantic/sexual love!! I've not yet met one person or read one article where pua's teach men to attract their dogs, mothers, etc.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Personally, i couldn't date a guy i wasn't physically attracted to. The Physical appearance captures my attention, but it's the personality which captures my heart.

    The appearance initially attracts you enough to want to date someone , but it's the he personality which determines if the the relationship continues or develops further.

    • Yeah, exactly, unfortunately though you can't get to the "personality" stage without the attraction stage. That's where attraction is vital.

    • Yeah, if i discover i don't like a guys personality then his appearance also becomes less appealing too. People aren't being truthful if they say they will date someone who is not attractive in their eyes, just to get to know their personality.

      So their has to be an initial attraction before you want to get to know their personality

Most Helpful Guy

  • Love, in the sense that you can love your child, you can love your dog, you can love your friend - sure.

    I personally think it's kind of "scary" when a woman says that she can love "her man" without being attracted to him. What's also scary is when a woman says that she can love "her man" even if the attraction is not there initially, but as she loves his "other qualities," the attraction will develop over time. Those ladies can go sit in their own corner of the universe until their genes eventually get locked out of the gene pool.

    Attraction --> Connection --> Closeness --> Intimacy --> Bonding --> Love

    Otherwise, what you're saying is, you're either:

    1. Settling (i. e., telling yourself, I'm never going to find anyone I'm attracted to who has as much value as I can exchange as a mate, so I might as well go with his guy), or,

    2. Trading (i. e., forget a man's physical or sexual value, I'll compromise on that so I can exchange what value I have to offer as a mate in order to get more emotional or financial value from my male mate)

    As far as "pick up artists" ("PUA"), that was clearly just a hype scam preying on male fantasies and insecurities and designed to sell books and other snake oil services. Plus, it doesn't seem like the goal of pick up artists is genuine love or long-term relationships.

    There are two different markets:

    1. The market for sex

    2. The market for relationships

    PUAs are just "posing" or "pretending" to be in the market for relationships, but are really just in the market for sex.

    It would be completely honorable if the PUAs were preaching about where to find women who are just interested in sex only, and how to tactfully and diplomatically start a dialogue with such a woman, and bring her back home in such a way that she doesn't feel bad about having the sex she wants to have.

    Yet, in a way, the flip side of that is that men are not the only dishonest culprits. There are plenty of women who "pretend" to be in the market for relationships, just to rid themselves of the guilt, shame, and social stigma of being a woman who is "just looking for sex." So, sure, these women might complain about men who "just want to have sex with her," but that's because she has an EMOTIONAL NEED to complain socially and to herself - because it helps her avoid feeling guilty and ashamed, maintain her identity and image to herself and to others.

    But that aside, I don't think you can have "romantic" love without attraction.

    • The whole purpose of "romantic" love is "reproduction."

      "Attraction" is the biological way of signaling and communicating, "I value your GENES - your GENETIC MATERIAL - and my biology has determined that GENES like yours should replicate."

      Think about what that means to say that you can seriously contemplate having "romantic love" (i. e., with the end-game goal of having children) without "attraction."

      In other words, you just want YOUR GENES to continue to exist, but you STILL NEED HELP (emotional and financial) raising YOUR CHILDREN.

      If that sounds selfish and like you're using the other person, that's because that's exactly what it is and exactly what's going on.

      So, again, that's why women who say they can love "her man" without being attracted to him initially scare me - and should scare any guy.

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 7

  • prime examples of love wt out attraction: family, best friend, pet. i love them but do NOT feel attraction to them.

    • In the context of romantic relationships. You know this 😊 and besides, I'm talking about pick up artists, not friendshipzone artists lol

    • Show All
    • Personality trumps looks anyday. Pick up taught me that. See if a guy is too nice, he doesn't get a girl either so he has to play this game (which is why it's an art). That said, I hope you find your guy and win big;)

  • In order to love someone romantically you have to be attracted to them. Ask yourself, why does love exist? So that we will reproduce and save humanity from extinction. To do that we will need to have sex and for that to happen there needs to be attraction.

  • I think you can develope romantic love feelings to a person you were previous not attracted to but once the love is there the attraction follows. You see them in a different light.

  • One loves one's children. One would hope that one is not attracted to them.

    • Different love. Context people... context. Romantic sexual love.

    • Show All
    • Exactly! You don't care. But I do and I feel for my struggling brother. Bad advice is worse than no advice and women especially give guys terrible, Disney advice. It's unfair. Guys need serious male intervention. But I will leave it at that.

    • Am I supposed to care? How does your lack of sex have anything to do with me? Not my fucking problem.

  • I feel like one brings the other!

  • Love vs lust.. Two different thing

    • I think attraction and lust are also two different things. Either way, I believe the lack of "lust" or "attraction" is the reason why there are literally millions of emails in this Ashley Madison scam lol

  • Asker, I have to add something. When it comes to PUA they only teach for short term attraction. Once the honeymoon stage is over those PUA tactics don't work.

    • But you at least have your girl to begin with. Without attraction, you don't have a honeymoon phase to begin with. I will be humble and say I am not good at attracting girls, so I am always in the friendshipzone, so I don't really know what a "honeymoon" phase really is either.

What Guys Said 5

  • With a lot of girls, guys can sometimes become more attractive to them as they get to know him. I'm talking about guys who they didn't initially find attractive. That's why there are hot girls who date plane-looking or even ugly guys It's not something that happens often but you do see it. It's far less likely to happen the other way around, as guys are much more visual than women. But "can you love someone you [simply] aren't attracted to"? Nah, I doubt it. Not in that way.

  • attraction does play a huge part in love.

    If you are not attracted to someone then, how can you love them. Something needs to attract you to them in order to love them?

    At the same time thought attraction doesn't need love, but love needs attraction.

    Its like loving a sports team yet you're not attracted to them. Its confusing.

  • Don't confuse romantic love with familial or platonic love.

  • friends and family

  • PUAs teach horny fuckers to manipulate women, to get in their pants.
    It's all about the next lay.
    Has nothing to do with love or even attraction - because they're fake to the core, everything they do is a well taught act.

    • ... and yet it works. If fakeness equates to attractiveness, then women are attracted to fakeness. Bit of Aristotle logic there.

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    • Love is emotional attraction.
      You can't teach that.

    • lol then those guys who get like over a 100 women is just so much better than the guy who can't get any? Please man, obviously you can't teach an emotion but you 100% can teach anyone to be that person that stirs the emotions you need. For example: if I say you are cool, your emotion should be on the nice side of the spectrum. Call you an idiot, your emotions will swing another way. Pua's teach social skills for guys to know that their behaviours have a consequence for women and their emotional reactions.

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