I'm almost 21, have never had a girlfriend, or a girl really want to even be with me... So I figure that the best way to build confidence is to get ANY success with ANY girl and, well, I figure that I can probably only date one I'm not attracted to. I know it's an increidbly mean thing to say... but some people just aren't very attractive. I don't want to use someone... but at the same time, why live a miserable life completely alone?
How can I overlook a complete lack of attraction to someone? (and how can I keep any form of self-esteem if they turn me down...)
Most Helpful Girl
Please don't use girls to build your confidence. There's enough of them going around and breaking hearts! What if one of these girls that you have no attraction for whatsoever ends up falling hard for you?
I recommend you join a club, go the gym, go bowling or whatever it is you like to do for fun, that way when you meet a girl there you'll already have a common interest when you talk to her. But don't dive in and start flirting right away (especially with cheesy pick up lines - we've heard them all). Get to know her a little and show her the fun, awesome guy you are! If things go well and you're genuinely interested in her and she's reciprocating, throw in a sincere compliment and ask for her number if you actually plan to call her. Otherwise don't. It drives us girls crazy when a guy asks for our number, says he'll call and then never does. Either way, approaching girls with the intent of just being friendly will take off the pressure and make you less nervous. Be confident. Fake it if you have to. Eventually you'll gain enough confidence to talk to girls that you are actually romantically interested in. If you get rejected, oh well, it's a part of life you'll have to get used to and learn not take it so personally. Their loss. Move on.
But please don't get involved with someone you're not attracted to just for the sake of having a girlfriend. You won't only hurt her, you'll be miserable as well. Good luck!8
Most Helpful Guy
By 'not attracted' are you suggesting 'not struck by her attractiveness' or 'actively put off by'?
I can't tell if you're trying to date someone you find really zero attraction scale, or if you're simply looking at people you weren't naturally drawn to.
In my own experience, and what I witnessed, people without much dating experience sometimes have very -high- physical standards. They are looking for people whose looks give them an immediate emotional buzz to be around, and I'm not sure -that- is needed.
What is needed? Is that the idea of them getting naked seems appealing. If you feel nothing more for them then you would for an inanimate object, or worse, don't do it. If you're kind of indifferent, but find them sexually attractive enough that the idea of getting them naked seems arousing, then go for it.
I think you need to feel a little lust, you don't need to think 'oh she's so pretty'. Odds are it won't go anywhere, but if you emotionally fall for a girl, I suspect you'll start seeing her -expressions- and behavior as cute, the way people do with others they are close to. But that bit of lust needs to be there.3