I want to hurt him like he's hurt me, but I know that's not right.

This past holiday week has been really hard for me. I've not been so busy but my boyfriend has. We have a pretty open and honest relationship, we tell each other a lot. Well anyways, I like to call him a few times a week and he claims to love when I call him but lately he's been saying not to call him because he'll be busy, and when I did get a hold of him one day, he had to go a minute later.

Then the other day when I went out shopping, I saw him with his family, I talked to him for a second, but he seemed to have to be somewhere. So of course I left him to go, and went on with shopping myself.

Then I decided, since we have an open relationship, to ask him if everything was alright with him, as in referring to us. (Note that I usually talk to him everyday and we text quite a bit and call a few times a week, and he loves this, and says he doesn't feel smothered at all) He said that sometimes I can be smothering occasionally but that everything was alright and we went back to talking like normal that one night. Then the next few nights, he said he'd call me, and never did. He told me he'd be online to talk in a little bit and never was and never replied to my emails and voice mails. I asked him about this and he said that he again was "busy". I said I missed him and he said that I need to keep busy and be able to live my life without him always with me...That really hurt me because it seemed like he didn't care and also doesn't miss me back...

Then the next day I called him to say I love you ( we already have said I love you so it's not new) and I asked him if he missed me like I missed him and He said he loved me back and that he did miss me a lot. But again continued to never call me or text and not to be online. And since this was all happening, I didn't bring up the idea of a date night in a few days. Which I'd been wanting to do with him, we were planning on a movie and dinner, but I didn't remind him of it...

I always make sure I'm there if he ever wants to talk and it seems like he's starting to take that for granted. I've been laying off and go whole days without communication. I'm always careful not to act to clingy. And I care about him a lot. I don't ever want to lose him because I think I'm the most in love with him anyone could ever be. It's very weird to me he's been acting like this. He usually loves to talk and go out and everything. It just seems lately I'm the only one putting forth the effort in the relationship. He's hurt me so much this week that I wanted to make him miss me more, and I want to hurt him like he's hurt me, but I know that's not right. I just don't know what to do or what to make of this. Can anyone help me?


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What Guys Said 1

  • there 3 things that come to mind right

    1) he is that busy :)

    but if he was he would probably tell you what it is

    2) he's tried out like where you are in your relationship I think and its like its too much for him right now so slow down

    3) he is not that into anymore and he's p**** to say anything

    my guess is its probably number 2


What Girls Said 2

  • I know just how you feel about your boyfriend not seeming to care or putting much effort. I had a smiliar thing happen to me a couple nights ago where he was staying up late to work on something and I knew he had to go early the next morning to work on something else so I just texted him not to sleep too late and not get too frustrated. He texted me back, "I don't need your concern". I was hurt of course...but ANYWAY, back to you.

    Try to figure out what it is he's busy with, and if you could, maybe help him? Because I know that when my guy is busy, he's really focused and a little short tempered. Leave him alone a bit, but the whole days without communication seems to be a little much... I would suggest you to wait out until his 'busy' phase is over and try to talk to him about it. Talking to him about it now might be a bad idea because he might feel even more bothered.

    But it's a really good thing that you're trying to be there for him all the time even when he's acting like this, it's hard, but once whatever he has on his mind is gone, it should be better. And really, don't go through with the idea of hurting him, because it could go down very badly..

    Hope this works out for you, =).

  • the problem with people are they always appreciate someone or something when they nearly lose it.

    the lack of attention or affection can lead to many problems. i know how you feel. i don't know how to handle that too if i were you. but, if i were you, i would defenitely enjoy my life with doing everything i can because he told me so, like you said "he said that I need to keep busy and be able to live my life without him always with me.." and you feel hurt by his words, right?

    if i were you, i would stop all my attention to him, i won't text him first, i won't call him, etc etc. i know it would be hard, so hard.. but, you know, the pain inside of my chest if i were you would make it easier.

    just see, if he recognizes the change or your act and realize how he misses your attention?

    I don't know, but, sometimes, people have to taste their own medicine.

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