Do girls even respond to romantic gestures anymore?

I recently went out on a date with a girl I'd known for a over a year. We flirted a lot during our friendship, so I eventually asked her out and she said yes. I really liked this girl, so I wanted to make a strong impression on her. I wanted to take her somewhere nice on our first date. I have some money, so I decided to take her to Smith & Wollensky, an upscale steakhouse. I also rented a nice car for the evening (a BMW), which I thought would be nicer than my truck. Things went fine on the date, but we've hardly spoken since the date.

A week ago she posted something on her FB page about guys trying too hard. I got the feeling that it was directed at me, so I contacted a mutual friend of ours. After some prying, she finally told me that this girl had been put off by the whole evening because she thought it seemed "fake." I couldn't believe it. It's like you try to take a girl out for a nice evening as (as opposed to inviting her over for a movie and cheap sex), and it's a knock against the guy. It seems like every time I've tried to make any sort of romantic gesture to a girl, it's been met with a sort of mocking derision, like only pathetic losers make romantic gestures. Do girls nowadays just think that romantic gestures are lame?
I get the feeling that girls are maybe even more cynical than guys about relationships, which, if true, is incredibly sad. I've always thought girls were more astute about these things, but the more I see, the less I believe this to be true.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't think romantic gestures are mock-worthy or unappealing, but you have to keep in mind that not every woman identifies romance with MONEY SPENT.

    To me, romance is the moment, it's the way someone treats you. It's not their willingness to throw money around on expensive dinners and cars. I personally feel a little uncomfortable going to a super expensive place on a first date because A: I'm a simple girl and B: I don't feel men are obligated to spend money on me and feel bad when they do so unnecessarily. I don't need money to be won over. She likely thought you were trying too hard because you wouldn't even bring your own car to the date, that is trying really hard.

    Don't get me wrong, what you did was sweet. But don't equate romance to money and extravagance; personally, I would find a walk in the park, talking one on one genuinely far more romantic than a steak and a BMW.

    • I believe exactly as you believe, i. e. I don't assign material value to romance. It's an emotional phenomenon, and no amount of money can buy that.

      That said, what I did for our date wasn't about trying to *buy* her affections, it was about creating a nice setting in which everything was arranged and taken care of so that we could relax and enjoy being together. She loves steak, so that's why I wanted to treat her to a nice steak. It was damn good, too! Now, a prime steak may not make a girl fall in love, but the *gesture* of buying a girl a nice meal has traditionally been a meaningful thing for girls. That's changed. Maybe people are more cynical now, but whatever the case, it's off-putting to girls because they see it as contrived.

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    • You're welcome. Try to have a good day/evening.

    • It's always a great day.

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What Girls Said 3

  • You showed her a different side of yourself and she failed to relate to that. A first date is always hard because even though you might know a person, there are different rules that come into play. Expectations rise, you wanna make a good impression, you want that person to see your good bits, etc. it's a lot of pressure.

    So have you tried it the other way - movie/casual sex?

    • Yes, I have tried the other way, but that's a part of "hook-up culture," which is not something that resonates with me. I'm not a hook-up guy or a player, I'm just not. I form relationships slowly and want them to be meaningful.

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    • No, I've given up on her. I was totally put off by the classless way that she handled after our date. Even if she didn't like it, I still went way out of my way to make it happen. I spent a lot of effort and money to make sure that we had a nice evening. It's like any gift, the thought is really what counts, even if you're not crazy about the gift.

    • Good for you and good luck with the next lady that comes along.

  • i dont think its lame at all.

  • I am sometimes suprised by guys doing nice gestures. Because I believe that most guys dont do them anymore. But I really appreciate them I grew up with guys. And they never acted like this with me.

    • So do you get creeped out when guys make romantic gestures to you? It's almost like girls are so unused to this behavior that they don't trust it.

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    • so good job but u should then just move on n look for a girl that would appreciate a date like that.

    • Where do I even find girls like that? A church group, maybe?

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