Should I be the one initiating things if he is shy? Is he actually interested?

So started dating this guy, he is really nice and we get on well but appears a lot more confiedent through texts that in person, when I meet him on dates he is very shy, sometimes struggles to make eye contact or make the first move if we kiss. When we do kiss he's fine and very sweet and seems less nervous. Because he is shy he is very hard to read and I'm not sure if he actually likes me seriously or not. He is a bit younger than me and has explianed that he hasn't been on a date in years so maybe thats why he's not so confident. since I last saw him he text me and it was just genereal chit chat. I said to him that we will have to meet again and he said yes definitely (however im not sure if he was just saying that lol). Then the converstaion stopped so I messaged him again and it was fine, but I just feel like its always me initiating things. I spoke to him last Thursday and haven;t spoke to him since, I would text him again just to see how he is but I'm no sure if he's seeing this as annoying or too clingy (which I 'm not) I don't like playing games lol I just want to know whether he's worth investing my time in. I do like him and I know he likes me to a extent but I don't like to always be the one taking in charge although by the way things are going maybe I 'll have to. Shall I leave him be until or if he texts me first? If he hasn't text me in a week shall I assume he's not that interested?


Most Helpful Guy

  • just relax, if he not interest in you, he would told you. having girl in a guy life, is not something adjust to easy, esp asking for a lot communicating. let him be himself a little bit and see where it goes

    • Okay, I'll just leave him alone for a bit then lol I just think if he's not interested maybe he's too shy to tell me lol

Most Helpful Girl

  • But you're already dating and kissing him?


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What Guys Said 1

  • As you rightly pointed out he is timid and probably a deep introvert, who oftentimes struggle to express themselves, especially if indeed he had a strict and morally uptight upbringing.

    Your experience with him reminds me of my experience with my second girlfriend when I was 18. I'd struggled to make the first move for a kiss. We dated for two years, and I never saw her undies let a lone her boobies. Years after, we met each other at uni.

    Surprised by the "bad-boy" image I inadvertently developed at uni, and struggled to reconcile the me then and "now". She recounted how one afternoon she visited me when mum and dad were away. So horny, she thought we would have our first sex. With the whole house by ourselves for nine hours I could not even have sex with her. I responded, "you should have initiated the sex". He replied, "that's your job as a man". Till today I still chastise myself for that experience. I still can't bring myself to think that's how I was back then.

    The lesson from my experience is, it takes two to make and drive a relationship. Two parties need to complement each other's weaknesses and strengths. You have the experience that he lacks. He has the innocence that you lack. You need to talk to him, bring him out of his shell and comfort zone.

    Usually introverts prefer expressing themselves in text or writing. I am a bit surprised he hasn't responded to your messages if indeed he is an introvert. I recommend talk to him; if he doesn't change, activate your own silence. If during your silence mode (a week or two), if he doesn't feel the need to respond to you accordingly, then consider a walk-out.

    • Thanks for your advice. He does usually respond if I start a conversation but I feel that its probably best I just leave him for a while and if he doesn't respond in a week or so then yeah I'll take it that he's not that interested.

What Girls Said 0

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