What does it mean when he says I want to spend the rest of my mornings and nights with you? Is it healthy that we fight but still want to be together?

My boyfriend and I got back together after a heated argument. We did not have sex but we just talked. We realized that we have differences and fight about once or twice a week that spiral out of control. It takes about 1-4 hours to fix it, and reconcile. We have been working on it for over a year, but we need help from a counselor. This time after the argument, I really got mad at him and didn't talk to him for a few days because I felt hurt. He said he was miserable during that time and it was the one of the most awful times he's had. I asked him why he wants to continue dating, and he said, "You're my best friend, and I love you. Let's work out our fighting thing because I want to spend the rest of my mornings and nights with you." Is it healthy that we fight frequently, but still want to make it work? He's fighting for the relationship even if it's going to be a lot of work because he said I'm worth it. I want to make it work. How do you stop fighting constantly? It's really hard, and I'm 28 and he's 33.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Depends what it's about whether you can fix such a thing, it's not good to find that frequently, arguments or disagreements maybe but heated ones, your age spread is fine but you just may not be compatible not matter what you do, no amount of counseling will fix that. Try going on a vacation together and see if get along during that, if you can't pass that test you'll never be a good couple

    • We have gone in two vacations, one in a foreign country and one in local destination. We both had a lot of fun, and we didn't fight at all. It was really calm and loving. How could we be so different in our day to day lives?

    • Oh ok then that's a plus , so the problem is with your daily lives somewhere so maybe it's something you can fix but you need to find the root cause of your fights, maybe he wants you to be around him more

    • I remember reading an adage saying " Women marry men hoping to change them and men marry women hoping they won't change" but that never happens so the saying is so true

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What Guys Said 2

  • Do *you* want to make this relationship work out?
    We have a saying in our native language which roughly translates to: "There are quarrels here and there in love"
    Both of you realise what needs to be worked upon, which is good since identifying the problem is necessary. Devote time to work out your differences. If the differences are such that you cannot change your lifestyle or behaviour, then sadly there cannot be any progress.

    • I do want to make it work. We got back together, but we decided to take a week of not seeing each other (but still talking on the phone). During that time we are going to reflect and take care of ourselves. We both agreed we don't want to change each other, but we want to adapt to each other. We both know we can't force each other to change. At this point, we both agreed that we really want to be together and are willing to meet half way. He said he is surrendering himself to me. It sounded a little scary, but I want to take care of him and respect him for doing so.

    • It will take time, but I'm hopeful you both will go through this phase and your bond becomes stronger in the end.

  • Allllll couples have fights.


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