Does this classify as cheating?

Me and my boyfriend have nearly been going out for a month (he's 18 and I'm 17) and that might not seem like a while but we're really close so. Well basically he was at this other girl's formal (prom) because she'd asked him as just friends before we were going out. On the bus to the afterparty place they kissed, and he completely does not remember it all. He only found out when she told him yesterday and he still doesn't remember it, yet she remembers it. He thinks that he should have made it clearer the fact that he had a girlfriend, because we're both pretty sure she knew. Anyway he feels AWFUL about it, and literally told me straight after he found out, he actually didn't sleep last night and didn't go to school today because he just felt so guilty. He told me that he literally had absolutely no intentions whatsoever of doing that and he has literally no idea what happened, he kept apologising and saying that he's deeply sorry from the bottom of his heart, then gave me time last night to work it out. I've agreed to work it out with him and we're still together, but was this actually proper cheating. And what are the chances he could do it again?

I know it's cheating just to clarify, but more like how do I react to this revelation? Because I've had two very contrasting opinions from people; one saying it's not a big deal and another saying that it's a big deal so I'm understandably very confused.
Oh and I should have said as well that he doesn't remember it because he was very very very drunk.


Most Helpful Guy

  • completely up to you. the fact that he came to you and told you suggests that he is truly sorry and it was a mistake

    the concern to me would be that he drinks to the point of doing things that are so far out of character. It would make me worry any time I knew he was going to go out drinking what he might do (cheating or something else)

    you can forgive and move on with things but I think the drinking should be a topic of discussion if you choose to forgive his cheating


Most Helpful Girl

  • That was definitely 'proper cheating'. Cheating is the act itself, where he failed to remain faithful to you by kissing this other girl. Whatever excuses the individual gives are to shift the blame or whatever are irrelevant. I'd look into why he didn't remember it in the first place, as if he was a deer caught in headlights.

    Chances he'd do it again? Hard to say if it's likely or not, but just know that if you do stay with him and it happens again, you weren't already warned.

    • Act however you feel about the revelation. Does it make you upset, angry? Tell him. No point in hiding that as what would then stop him from doing the smae if he received nothing more than a slap on the wrist the first time around?
      Also, him being drunk therefore not able to remember is a load of bullshit. Of course he'll use the alcohol as a factor, shifting the blame away from him to the alcohol. True that alcohol clouds our judgement but I'd still never cheat, regardless of how white-girl wasted I'd become. Alcohol decreases the amount of inhibitions one has, clouding their judgement of what the consequences will be. Does it put a whole new set of beliefs and values inside them? No. They're still thinking along the same lines as they would if sober, just less in abidance by societal norms.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • How does he not remember? Were they drinking? If nothing was taken to impair his memory and actions that night then I would call bullshit on his ass.


What Girls Said 1

  • First of all I think you should ask yourself the question: how much did it bother you? And then decide on how to continue.

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