When someone "below your league" doesn't reciprocate interest?

I have been talking to this guy online every day for a year. We know eachother in real life/hung out once... He seemed quite interested in me but recently backed off. Nothing happened between us but I guess his interest is fading or he's just busy. Either way I'm used to having guys chase me, and having options of people to date, and this guy is sort of opposite. He isn't very good with women, is average looking at best and kind of reclusive. Obviously there are good things about him which is why I began to really like him, but now I feel bitter that someone who people would say is below my league is not reciprocating interest anymore. I know it's wrong to feel that way, and I am disappointed because I really did like him... But since we never dated I don't want to make this an issue with him/bring it up. I just have to accept the distance he creates and move on. How do I get over these negative feelings though? Have you ever felt the same? Thoughts/advice?

To clarify, though I said "nothing happened between us," he did buy me dinner, put his arm around me, and kissed me goodnight on the time we hung out. However we hadn't seen each other since then... Just talking online. Also, yes he knows I am interested... I asked him what he saw happening between us (friends, friends with benefits, dating) so I would assume he would think I am interested if I asked that.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Maybe you're the one below his league...
    I don't believe in leagues anyways, but you're just sounding like an entitled person who thinks that she needs to get all the attention and put no effort because you're "better" than him.
    You still gotta put effort, if he feels like he's doing everything, even if he's "less" attractive than you, he's still gonna get bored.

    I've talked to girls that I consider more attractive than me, and have stopped talking to them after I see they just act like I gotta do all the job cause she's in a "higher league" than me. Fuck that, I don't play kid's games.

    • It's not like I think leagues are a real thing. I say it in the sense that he may be seen as the less desirable option to most people, versus the guys I'm used to dating. However, I think he's great and obviously would not feel like I was settling for something below me at all. I'm attracted to him in all regards, but was taken back by him suddenly backing off the way he did, considering his options were more limited in the first place. I thought I conveyed more than enough interest and don't know what made things change, if not that. I guess fact of the matter is he just isn't into it anymore. That's that.

    • Thanks for the MHO

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What Guys Said 6

  • Too many women often think they are in the premier league when they are actually in the second or third division when it comes to dating and listen to folks telling them this. It seems likely that he found a girl who he likes and she has grabbed hold of him. there's a good chance she is in a higher league when compared to you.

    • I don't think I'm in the premier league. I don't have anyone telling me that either. Im simply basing the statement on the number of guys that have shown interest in me, and their general attractiveness. Also I have had more/longer relationships than he has. Objectively speaking I am more successful in dating than him in these regards... And yes, I thought that he may have found someone as well. He asked to see pictures of me the other night but I guess that's okay to do still if he isn't official with the other girl.

    • Show All
    • I mean right now!

    • I'm actually pretty shy so the idea that I have to do the work to make things happen is stressing me out! ... But maybe I'll try. Thanks!

  • Most probably he felt that since you're "out of his league" it would be best not to get involved with you much further. He may have thought that: "Oh she might have dozens of other guys who are better than me to talk to, so why should I try?" Or he could just be busy. :P
    In any case, why have negative feelings over things that never happened? If you wanted some spark to be there between you both, maybe you could've taken the initiative (that would be better for people under the impression of "below your league"). If not, then don't ponder too much about the situation.

    • I don't take the initiative with chat much but I have expressed how I would really like to see him again and that I'm attracted to him. You may have a point about him being discouraged by other options though... He has made comments in the past that were seeming kind of jealous about guys I would hang out with, and he knows of people who are hitting on me. Hmm..

  • if you wanted him you should have shown some damn initiative XD

    Even now you sound as though you'd ignore him again just as soon as you knew he WANTED you.

  • did you actually tell him you where interested?

  • below your leage? what a deceit bietch... . please get a life. and some humility.

    • Please learn to spell. Thank you.

    • i will. after you get a life and some humility. you are welcome and high five.

    • Well done.

  • This is a classic case. Attractive women get hit on etc. all the time and when they meet an average guy who doesn't show the interest she is used to receiving, she is suddenly insecure and also curious; like what is so special about this guy..

    • To be honest, there was something special about this guy, that made me feel drawn to him before we started getting to know eachother online (he was an acquaintance while I was in a LTR, and knew my boyfriend too)... I didn't expect that I'd actually come to really like him on a serious level, but I do. You are right about everything though. He has shown interest in the past and I expected it... And I expected it to continue because I'm used to it... And not getting it only makes me want it that much more. It's frustrating because it's hard to control feeling that way, when I know it's a bad attitude to have.

    • If you like him so much, why don't you approach him?

What Girls Said 1

  • He's probably shy.
    You mentioned he isn't good with woman that's because he most likely lacks experience.
    I'm also a woman that's used to guys chasing me.
    When I had someone like that in my life , for the timebeing I had to take on t he dominant role just to get things started.
    These guys are usually the type to like someone but are so afraid they let opportunities pass them by.
    You sort of have to take the upper hand.
    Eventually he will even things out by doing so himself.
    he just needs to warm up to you more and get more comfortable.

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