Do insecure men date "plain" less auccessful women because they feel safer in the relationship?

I dated a guy for a while and while I wouldn't say I'm overly attractive I get a fair bit of attention from the opposite sex. I have a unique look (natural black hair and blue eyes) and he just hated it whenever I got "checked out" or made an effort with my appearance. He'd always comment how he wanted me Not to wear make up and how I don't have to dress up for him. I wear make up and dress nicely for ME. It makes me feel Good and I enjoy it. on a few occasions if I looked good and even if a female friend complimented me he would make me go home and get changed or just go home and have a night in together. I dress pretty conservatively. Never have my boobs out or wear revealing tight clothing.
At the time I blamed myself thinking maybe I looked ugly or slutty but I'm starting to think it was him feeling insecure about himself. He used to put me down a lot too mainly about my physical appearance but also about my academic accomplishments and solid career.
So has anyone else ever dealt with a guy like this?
All his ex gfs and current girlfriend are very plain looking, don't drive and don't have careers. Is this again a choice out of insecurity as he doesn't believe he deserved a more attractive/ independent girl? As such girl will have more options and possibly leave him? I'm not being judgmental I hope it doesn't come across that way I'm just speculating about why these type of guys are more comfortable dating "plain" women and tend to treat more attractive/successful women badly.

Sorry typos on my phone :/


Most Helpful Guy

  • It's definitely possible as some people actually sabotage relationships subconsciously so avoiding women that are "out of his league" would seem like something some guys would do.

    Wrt the guy you described, he definitely sound insecure and slightly controlling. Telling a girl she doesn't have to dress up is fine and probably good. Telling her to go home and dress differently is neither. Belittling her accomplishments is being a prat and a rubbish boyfriend.

    Fwiw, I have fairly low self esteem so I'd avoid particularly attractive girls or really successful ones to avoid the (imo) inevitable breakup.


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What Guys Said 6

  • Simply put he was insecure about himself and didn't want to lose you. You bettering yourself in any was was a threat, a threat that you may leave at anytime. Hopefully if you see these signs in a man again, You RUN!

    • haha yes lesson has been learnt here.
      In the beginning when we first started getting to know each other he made a few comments about stopping me "galavanting around" when I would go out with friends or do stuff without him.
      I commented to a friend that he might be possessive and controlling because of this but stupidly overlooked my intuition.
      Next time I won't though
      Thank you :)

  • Guys are defined by own self-image: who we are is determined by what we do and how confident we are in doing it.

    If a dude is not confident, they will naturally seek out less confident and/or submissive women. Why? Because they are looking for their own personal cheerleader, since whatever they are doing outside the relationship isn't meeting their need for a positive self-image.

    If a dude is confident, they usually make a decision to go for QUALITY (more beautiful and confident women) or QUANTITY (exactly what it says on the tin, anything walking, reasonably attractive, and female).

    • Thank you for this! It makes total sense.
      Things actually ended after he cheated on me, his excuse being because I was too "dominate" and he liked me better when he thought I was quiet.
      Which to him I honesty think meant me being able to support myself and not allow him to walk all over me.

  • He has personal problems himself I. e Confidence/Insecurity/Self worth and he is projecting this onto you.
    Basically I think he is easily threatened by other men too, and nervous you'll catch some one else's eye..
    Too much negativity to be around

  • Every guy wants to fuck make up girls and marry simple girls.
    this is the golden rule, always remember...

    • Can you please define the two types of girls. I feel I for neither and not do the women I see these types of men date and treat poorly.

    • *fit

  • Generally people converge with like minded people

  • Rules_breaker said it perfectly

    • What about women that fit neither category. Yes I wear make up but nothing over the top. I dress nicely but not overly trendy. I have a professional career so dress as such most of the time.
      I don't spend hours getting ready or thousands of dollars on designer shoes. But I don't feel comfortable going out in sweats, no make up and a messy bun.

    • Show All
    • Oh ok. I get this but the comparisons I was making aren't the same.
      I was meaning choosing a plainer looking woman who isn't entirely self sufficient and somewhat submissive over a confident, successful and attractive woman.

    • Guys tend to choose the first type of girls.
      Mostly because they are afraid of the confident, attractive and successful ones because they know women like this can have any guy they want so they are afraid they will lose her to someone better.
      It may sound stupid but its the truth many guys think this way.. so they choose a more needy, plan girl because they are safer and easier.
      And again not all guys are like this but most I know are..

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